


Lullabies

by sleeponrooftops



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-20
Updated: 2009-06-20
Packaged: 2017-10-31 08:36:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 31,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/342073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleeponrooftops/pseuds/sleeponrooftops
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a different world we live in, where gentlemen are disguised as snobbish bigots, artists are masked by curious idiocy, and plain ladies are seen as wasteful. I see you watch the world change, and yet, there are some that see not the grace of your kind acceptance. I cannot find hope in any of this, although I find beauteous white light in you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Disparities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lily dreams, friends meet after a long summer apart, and the train scene is forever cliché.

Lily stopped and let her eyes slip shut, inhaling the deep fumes happily and, without warning or true voluntary movement, her arms lifted, engulfing the environment around her.  She was at peace.

 

“Now, are you going to hug a tree or fall in the ocean?” a sneering voice whispered in her ear before fingers lightly tugged on her long braid and her eyes rolled before snapping open.  Her neck reciprocated the gesture and came to a stiffened halt before said braid whipped over her shoulder as she turned.

 

“You will not speak to me as—”

 

Her breath caught in her throat and she stared at the man in front of her, terror filling her lungs and forcing them to heave out all oxygen in a rush of adrenaline.  Her collarbone popped with the gasp, and fright was evident upon her façade.

 

“I will not speak to you as how?” the man hissed, one hand brushing over her neck and jaw before falling against her cheek, and no flush crept with the contact; her skin instead paled immensely to the level of sallow.

 

“Oh, how beautiful your presence is,” he gasped, and the pleasure that flew through his emotionless visage was intense enough to let Lily shudder, and she dared step back from him, oxygen returning in a flurry of activity.

 

“You frighten me,” she whispered, a terrible mistake, and he lunged at her, anger flaring through him.

 

She screamed, the dream disappeared, and she was alone in her room save for her cat, who had been promptly awoken by her cry.  As her heart slowly calmed, Lily thought of her dream, disturbed by its clarity and its probable deeper meaning.  She couldn’t imagine what in the world someone so hideous would want with her.

 

Another shriek slipped past her pursed lips as her phone rang, and she sighed, running a hand over her face.

 

_I can’t sleep.  And I have a feeling you’re not either._

She smiled at the text, and laughed at the fact that he had actually taken the time to think of her.  She was constantly flattered by his attention, although she dared not show it much past a smile, but he never gave up.

 

_Of course I’m not.  I’m studying, remember?_

Lily fell onto her back, hand closed around the object she’d have to leave behind.  She never despised the fact that she must leave her Muggle items behind, but sometimes they would come in handy.

 

_I should have known.  I’m trying to not laugh at how predictable you are._

_I’m predictable?_

_Regarding how bad you lie._

_I’m going back to sleep._

_Think of me in your dreams and you will dream harshly no longer._

She didn’t respond, because he knew better than to expect a response.  She was tired, and, happy manner or not, she would succumb to painless dreams.

 

\--

 

“You look like a hippie today.”

 

Lily smiled, and turned to face her raven-haired friend, “And you look like death.”

 

“I’m still pale.”

 

A blonde-haired girl joined them, shrugging sadly.

 

“Didn’t you go away to some amazingly hot tourist attraction?” Victoria asked, arching an eyebrow confusedly.  The blonde, Emily, didn’t respond, and instead turned to Lily, holding out her arms.

 

“My dear,” she began, “I have missed you terribly.  Let us find a compartment and swap stories.  We’ll leave Tori to torture the young’uns.”

 

“I will _not_ be left alone with them.”

 

“But Miss Head Girl, it is _absolutely_ necessary for you to regain your stature.  Run along now.”

 

Victoria rolled her eyes, but headed off anyway, and her annoyed tone could be heard throughout the train, obnoxiously aiding the newcomers.

 

“I still can’t believe you didn’t get Head Girl,” Emily whispered, hooking her arm through Lily’s and leading them off.  She was a petite girl, shorter than most, but she had long tresses of pale curls that normally held fresh daisies and sprinklings of dew; she carried a vial around with her in which she collected the morning substance.  She was adorned in a white sundress this morn, and she looked the picture of happiness as she and Lily walked silently off, taking their luggage with them.  Their verbal word only commenced upon the shutting of their compartment door.

 

“Tell me about this secret admirer,” she immediately giggled, crossing her legs and rummaging about her bag for her camera.

 

“I don’t know his name, and I know nothing of him except his phone number, that he wears glasses, and he’s an absolute sweetheart.”

 

“Do you have _any_ idea who he is?  This is Sirius and I in Florence.  We went all over Italy, but it started there, for some reason.”

 

“No idea.  You look brilliant.  And _in love_ ,” she added, smirking knowingly.

 

“You _know_ , Lillian, if you do not find that someone special this year, you and I are going to have a very serious issue on our hands.  I am determined, I hope you are aware, and not like our dear Victoria usually is.”

 

“Tori’s given up,” Lily sighed, flipping through the pictures happily, “I’ll find him eventually.”

  
“What about… what’s a good boy’s name?”

 

“Arthur.”

 

“We’re calling your secret admirer Arthur.  What about him, then?”

 

“I don’t even know him.  I mean, yes, he goes to Hogwarts, but, besides that, how am I ever to find him?  There’s seven grades in the school, and he could very well be a first year.”

 

“That, my dear, is highly unlikely.  He already knows you, so he’s at least a second year.”

 

Lily burst into hilarious bouts of laughter at the statement, and Emily nodded, accomplished, before she suddenly turned her eyes toward the window on the door and let out a great giggle of excitement.

 

“Two weeks, and I don’t know what I’m ever going to do without you,” a voice of love spoke as Emily was abruptly swept away and all noise was silenced with their kiss, blissful and magical.

 

Sirius and Emily met first year and started dating third year.  It was perfect from the very moment it happened.

 

“ _Lillian_ , dear,” Sirius murmured as he hooked an arm around Emily’s waist and beamed down at her, “Mind if Potter and Lupin join us?”

 

“Of course not, Black.”

 

He smirked and released Emily to open his arms.  Lily stood obediently, sighing obnoxiously and repeating Sirius’ gesture.

 

“Heavens, you make me do _all_ the work in this relationship.”

 

Lily laughed as he hugged her, and she couldn’t help but tighten her grip, breathing in his familiar scent and smiling.

 

“I missed you,” she whispered, and he chuckled deep in his throat.

 

“You should have.  I heard some tales from Miss Johnson over there.  Seems you could have used a bit of Black love advice.”

 

“Always.  That’s why we’re best friends, right?”

 

“And forever that will be the reason.”

 

“Remus!”

 

“Shafted!” Remus yelled before letting Lily attack him, and they were quick to giggling over how the summer treated their appearance when James appeared, shifting his hair out of his eyes.  Lily smiled fondly and proceeded to shock him with a hug.

 

“How was your summer, James?”

 

“Dreadfully fantastic,” he muttered, and Sirius laughed heartily, clapping him on the back.

 

“Boy was just bored,” he said with a grin.

 

They all retreated back to their compartment, and the door slid shut behind them, leaving them to the peace of friendship.


	2. Knowledge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lily is overwhelmed by "Arthur", James turns her away, and a first year boards with the seventh year girls.

“It is tactful to hate snobbish bigots,” Emily whispered, and Lily rolled her eyes unceremoniously, turning her chin slightly so their conversation wouldn’t seem as suspicious as it was.

 

“Except I have more respect for said snobbish bigots as of… last year,” she finished, thinking hard as to when she and James actually became friends.

 

“And how did I possibly miss this, silly girl?”

 

“You were snogging Black.”

 

Emily giggled behind her hand, and McGonagall’s eyes flashed to her, Lily kicking her roughly under the table.  A few yet-to-be sorted first years glanced their way, and Lily quickly hid her face, unable to force her grin away.

 

“You fancy him!” she gasped, clutching Lily’s hand under the table.

 

“I shall _never_ fancy James Potter.  I merely see him as a more likable person now.”

 

“You _hugged_ him.”

 

“We spoke once or thrice over the summer.”

 

“Skipping two means you hung out.”

 

“Skipping two means it was more than five.”

 

“Lily Evans!”

 

McGonagall cleared her throat, and regardless of the fact that Emily had merely gasped in surprise, they would be spoken to during dinner.  The two friends quieted immediately, Emily releasing her hand in exchange for shaking her head.  Her eyes did not betray her, but Lily knew she was shocked.  Just as their gracious headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, rose from his seat to begin his annual welcoming speech, a hand touched Lily’s knee and she jumped, turning to the culprit.  He cleared his throat and kept his eyes trained to the table, and she knew not his name or his face but that he held a note in his hand.  And so it had begun.

 

_You sit as a poised and lovely woman would, and I cherish the fact that my eyes do not betray me as I sit near you.  You have changed, just the slightest, but I see the molded maturity amongst your features, the absolute righteousness in your stature.  I challenge the day you shall fall from this pedestal you rightfully belong upon for you are beyond description; you are my light of shining beauty, and I see not how I shall tear my eyes from you, my delicate._

Lily’s heart rate skyrocketed as Dumbledore finished and food appeared down the tables, a great cry receiving the food.  She raised her gaze, cheeks aflame with a blush, and Emily’s voice was distant, curious and worried.  She watched Sirius stare strangely at her around her best friend, and Victoria, across the table, waved a hand at her.  Her collarbone had popped, and she felt as she had in the dream, only surrounded in miraculous amazement.

 

“Ms. Evans, Ms. Johnson.”

 

The voice snapped her from her reverie, and oxygen flooded her body in a rush, leaving her gasping.

 

“Ms. Evans?” McGonagall bent, touching a hand to her shoulder, “Are you well?”

 

“Lily had a bit of a shock.  All is fine, Professor.  We are terribly sorry for the slight interruption during the sorting.  You are assured we shall behave henceforth.”

 

“A likely story.”

 

McGonagall left regardless, and Emily quickly turned to her friend, brows knitted together in concern, “What in the heavens is happening with you?”

 

Lily clutched the note in her hand, shaking slightly, but the smile on her face could not be erased.

 

“Dehydration, probably,” she lied through her teeth, reaching for her water, all the while letting her eyes scan the row of Gryffindors, begging for an answer.  None came.  Finally, the students were dismissed for bed after a final good night from Dumbledore, and it was seen that Victoria departed to find the Head Boy of Ravenclaw, Maxwell Znader, and Emily and Lily made their way, arms locked, toward the Gryffindor House, the four Marauder boys trailing lazily after them.

 

“How were you over the summer?  We never got to speak privately, really,” Emily murmured, tapping Lily’s arm lightly.

 

“Alright, I guess.  Despite Petunia’s constant annoyance, nothing much eventful occurred apart from more nightmares.”

 

“ _Lily_ ,” she scoffed, sighing, “You were supposed to tell me if you had more of those.  Why had you never mentioned them in our letters?”

 

“I figured Sirius was reading over your shoulder.”

 

“Accurate at best.  Tomorrow is Saturday, and I want to spend time away from Sir Black; might you have a spare moment for me?”

 

“Always, my best friend.  For now, though, I must sleep.  I am overtired, and I feel I must close my eyes for a long period of time.  No nightmares will plague me tonight.”

 

“And all shall be well.  I’ll see you upstairs in a few moments.”

 

They’d reached the common room and now departed as Sirius took his girlfriend’s hand delicately.

 

“Good night, Lily.  Until the morn,” Remus called, waving a hand.  James nodded, and his eyes lingered for a moment as she waved goodbye to them before continuing up the stairs.

 

Her night did not go over as planned.  She was awoken in a panic, his face swimming in her vision despairingly.  She left her bed and descended to the common room, drawing her bathrobe tightly around her.  This was not the way she wished to begin her final year at Hogwarts.

 

“Oh, James, I’m sorry, I thought I would be alone,” she stuttered, caught by surprise at his curled position on the couch in front of the fire.

 

“I didn’t think I would be up.”

 

“Why are you?” she wondered aloud, sitting tentatively next to him.

 

“I’m not sure how I’m to go about this year, and I’ve been sitting up awhile.”

 

“How do you imagine it to go, then?  Meaning… have you come up with any solution to your supposed dilemma?”

 

“I wish to not bother you, and I find I have already imposed.”

 

“This summer was the beginning of a friendship, James.  I let you prove yourself and gain the respect you deserved.  Do not regret it, please.”

 

Her hand fell over his, and he shuddered away, eyes casting into the darkness as Lily blushed and looked at her feet.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“This summer was incredible.  I could not have imagined a better start to what I have so long wished for.  However,” he paused, shaking his head and letting his fingers press against his closed eyes, “However, it pains me to be with you, and I know you know that, and, therefore, I wish to not bestow upon you this misery I am thrown into.  It is better that I should desire from a distance, as always, but more quietly now.”

 

“James—”

 

“Don’t ruin me further, Lily.”

 

He’d said her first name few times in the six years she’d known him, but it had become more common over the times they’d spent together this past summer.  Now, it sounded bittersweet.

 

“I bid you good night, and I do hope your nightmares find demise.”

 

She didn’t question his knowledge, but instead let him drift off back to the Boy’s Dormitory, something like guilt tugging at her heart.

 

“I feel remorse for James Potter,” her mouth said aloud, and her heart spoke differently, _I feel certain compassion for this snobbish bigot._

\--

 

Lily awoke late, but earlier than her fellow roommates.  A folded note greeted her on the other side of her pillow.  She reached for it happily, smiling at the four bars accompanied by a G Cleft staff and a few notes.

 

“How clever,” she murmured, slowly unfolding it.

 

_Good morning, my flower.  I wish I could sweep you away, show you the magic that I can create, so, instead, I think I have a game we could play.  I want to know you, in the sense that you know me.  To do so, there must be hints, should there not?  My first one is tricky, and I think you will like it.  I am silently in love._

“Hm.”

 

“ _Lillian_.”

 

Emily stood there with her hands poised carefully on her hips, obviously not to be interrupted.

 

“Who in the world is sending you good morning notes, hm?”

 

“Still Arthur, as always.”

 

Lily smiled at the name, a certain Weasley suddenly popping into her mind, “We need a new name.”

 

Emily seemed to have come to the same conclusion, and the two girls abruptly burst into laughter, falling over one another in their fit.  A sudden cleared throat interrupted their fun, however, and the two girls jumped to their feet at the sight of Professor McGonagall.

 

“Girls, I hate to… _distract_ you from your fun, but seeing as there are an unfortunate odd number of first years and you three have always had the room to yourself, well…” McGonagall trailed off to reveal an _extremely_ timid-looking girl, “I’ll leave you to introduce yourselves.”

 

She left without another word, and Lily looked at Emily with a sigh before rising to her feet.

 

“I’m Lily Evans, this is Emily Johnson, and Victoria Lynne is your Head Girl.  Welcome to Hogwarts.”

 

“Um… where do I sleep?”

 

“Well, if you tell us your name, we can work that out.”

 

“Right, sorry,” she stumbled, nodding, “Elizabeth Lawrence, but you can call me Liz if you want.”

 

“Do you prefer Liz?”

 

“I don’t really mind.”

 

“Alright, Elizabeth, you get the bed nearest the door.  Glad to have you on board.  Hope we don’t scare you too much.  Em, I’m hungry, so we need to wake up the princess so we can actually make lunch.  Go get her and I’ll be right back.”

 

“Writing a note to…” Emily trailed off, thinking diligently.

 

“Max.”

 

It had been decided.  Emily smiled happily and went to wake Victoria while Lily sat at her desk, nibbling on the end of her pen thoughtfully.  She’d tried for months to write back to him, but never got the courage to even start a note.

 

“Knock, knock, all decent?” Sirius queried as he poked his head around the door and Emily smiled over at him, waving.

 

“Jerk,” Victoria mumbled from underneath her blankets and Sirius tiptoed cautiously by her, gave Emily a kiss, and stopped at Lily’s elbow, staring down at her blank paper.

 

He bent to her ear, chin nearly touching her shoulder, and she dared not move.

 

“I know who it is,” he breathed, and lifted without another word.

 

Lily turned, agape, and Sirius just smirked and returned to Emily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this story seems to be going well so far. Hopefully it’ll continue.


	3. Indulgency

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Emily cries, men are women, and three best friends are always the same.

Despite her wish to spend the day away from said Sir Black, Emily found it necessary to discuss certain vital topics with him.

 

“We have to tell everyone at some point,” she whispered, and smiled as his thumb stroked her hand lightly, “Or, at least, _some_ people.  Like… I _have_ to tell Lily.”

 

“Must you?” he breathed, and his nose met her neck with a slight sigh, “I’m nervous enough as is.”

 

“ _Sirius_ ,” she scoffed a bit, “This is my life we’re talking about.  _Our life_.  You don’t think I’m not nervous?”

 

“I _know_ you’re nervous.  That doesn’t mean we can’t keep it secret just a little longer.”

 

“Only a few weeks.  I’m getting tired of hiding.  I want to just explode with joy.”

 

“Soon, I promise.  Let’s talk to Dumbledore first, but not right away,” he murmured, kissing her delicately.

 

They were parted by sudden drip drops of rain, and Emily smiled up at Sirius before taking his hand and leading them off.  They were silent most of the journey back, hands clasped together tightly, and Emily only spoke after a sigh and once they had reached the portrait to the common room.

 

“Compromise with me, just this once,” she murmured as the Fat Lady swung open, “Let me tell Lily, and you tell James.”

 

Sirius scrunched his nose and forced his obvious like of the idea to the back of his mind until Emily smirked, knowing she’d won.  They parted once within the common room, and Emily quickly grabbed her redheaded friend by the hand and dragged her off upstairs.

 

“I have something _vital_ to discuss with you.”

 

Someone cleared their throat, and Emily turned violently, glaring at the small first year.  Her expression instantly softened at the girl’s suddenly frightened visage, and she moved to a politer tone, “Could you please excuse us?”

 

The girl nodded fervently and scampered from the room before Emily tugged Lily off to her bed.

 

“This is one of those secrets that we talked about, the kind that even _Sirius_ doesn’t want me telling people, the kind that I had to _beg_ to be able to tell you, got it?”

 

“I’m not an imbecile, Emily,” Lily scoffed, shaking her arm out of her friend’s grip and rolling her eyes, “I know I’m not supposed to tell anyone.”

 

“Lily, I’m _serious_.  This is huge, like… I’m scared huge.”

 

“Okay, okay, serious face, go.”

 

Lily sat, attentive, until Emily burst into hysterical laughter and Lily tried her hardest not to reciprocate the gesture.  “Damn it, I was trying to be serious!” she yelped, pushing Emily.

 

“All fun and games aside,” Emily abruptly said, and Lily had to rush to gain control of her emotions as Emily looked down at her hands, fiddling her thumbs, and Lily frowned as she saw her friend’s shaking hands.

 

“Whatever you have to tell me, it’s going to be okay.  We’ll figure it out.”

 

“I’m pregnant, Lily.”

 

She’s speechless, entirely shocked by this prospect until she gains her sense again and lets out a great shout, “ _OH MY GOD_!”

 

Emily nodded as Lily gaped at her in disbelief before Emily finally broke down, tears flowing freely, “I don’t know what to do, Lily.  I mean, I’m entirely thrilled, but… _I’m still in school, Lils_.  How exactly am I supposed to go about things normally when I’m going to have a _baby_ inside me?”

 

“I think you need to talk to Dumbledore.  Otherwise, this may get really weird.”

 

“Sirius doesn’t want to yet.  He was iffy about me even telling you, but I think he’ll be relieved to tell James, so… I just don’t know what to do, Lily.  I’m so scared.”

 

“I would be, too.  That’s pretty epic.”

 

“Lily,” she sobbed, covering her face and shaking her head, “What have I done?”

 

“My dear,” Lily cooed, bringing her friend toward her, “You have committed an act of love and nothing more.  You are worn, obviously.  Let your eyes rest; they have seen such troubles today in your mind.  Calm yourself, and fall to bliss.”

 

Emily breathed in a heavy breath, one determined to settle herself, but nothing could be done for her nerves and feeling of failure.  Lily, distraught and confused, merely held her in silence, petting her hair and attempting to calm her…

 

\--

 

“Hey, mate,” Sirius muttered, clapping James on the back as he circled around the couch and headed for the stairs.

 

“You not gonna sit, Padfoot?  Fire’s nice,” he called, turning his head only slightly.

 

“Nah, man, I gotta think for a while.”

 

“Think?”

 

As James’ brow arched, Remus snorted unceremoniously into his book and Sirius spat a spell at the back of his head, resulting in Remus grumbling something incoherent and sinking lower in his seat.

 

“Well, I’ll come think with you, then,” James said, shrugging as he stood.

 

“You two are easily the strangest friends ever.  Thinking together, eh?  What’s next, plotting schemes separately?  Merlin’s beard,” Remus grumbled, digging his nose in his book before Sirius could hex him again.

 

“You alright, you crazy bloke?” James queried as they entered their dormitory and Sirius sat at the desk, burying his face in his arms, “I mean, you don’t usually go off and think or whatnot.  You’re freaking me out a little, I won’t lie.”

 

“I fudged up real bad, Prongs,” he mumbled into his arms, sighing heavily.

 

“Did you now?  Well, I’ve got this sense that I’m going to have to pry it out of you, eh?  Maybe you could just make it easy on my poor ole heart and just tell me, sound like a plan?”

 

“Em’s pregnant, mate.”

 

“Blimey, Sirius, you really did fudge up.  How did that happen?  Were you being stupid?  Because I thought we had a very serious discussion about being stupid, and how it was only reserved for daytime and… Sirius!  You didn’t disregard the dumb law because the sun was still up, did you?  You know I didn’t mean _only daytime_ , you twit!”

 

“James, calm down,” Sirius laughed, standing.

 

“Okay, mission accomplished, now tell me how this happened.”

 

“Honestly, you’re like women,” Remus grumbled as he walked in upon James and Sirius sitting cross-legged from one another, swapping stories.

 

“Moony, we’re talking about very important things here.  In such cases, feminine behavior is occasionally called for,” James said as he held up his hands in defense.

 

“I’m telling every female in Hogwarts you said that.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

The three smirked before Sirius waved him over, “You should be in on this, too, Remus, especially considering you’re my second best friend.”

 

“Gee, thanks.”

 

He just smiled and sat with them, putting a hand on Sirius’ shoulder and giving him a slight squeeze, “Whatever it is, I know _I’m_ here for you.  As far as this git goes, who knows.”

 

The trio laughed before Sirius indulged Remus in his slightly despairing tale…


	4. Comprimising

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which owls are white, Emily is angry, and Lily doesn't know what she wants.

He was awake late, which wasn’t unusual for him as of late.  He sighed, leaned forward on his knees and running his hands through his messy hair.  He hated this, this pain that she put him through, but he had to endure it, had to so that he wouldn’t hurt her in the end.

 

After a few minutes of internal struggle, he gave up and pulled out a piece of parchment from his book, dipped his quill in his inkwell, and began.

 

_I’ve never written to you at length, to describe to you what I feel.  I know how we’ve communicated this past summer, how I’ve fallen in love with you so much more than I had already.  I’ve always adored you from afar, always watched you dance through life in such grace and beauty.  You are a wonder, Lily, a simply beautiful woman.  I will treasure every moment I spend with you until death does claim me.  Yes, two hints, already.  We’ve spoken before, many times, actually.  You know who I associate with, as do I of you.  We know each other’s habits, the disgraces and graces of life that we go through.  Oh, Lily.  I’ve always liked your name, how delicate and perfect it sounds.  I don’t much believe in perfection, but you give me reason to see that there is hope for such a darling and wonderful idea.  You truly are like a flower to me, a pretty little thing._

_I’ve trailed on far too long now.  You’ll be bored of this.  I’ll leave you with one last hint: My owl is white._

He leaned back, a smiling creeping across his face.  Sleep would have no claim on him tonight, not with this excitement bubbling inside him.

 

\--

 

“Do _you_ know what the hell we’re supposed to do?” Victoria asked in a whisper, leaning over toward her two partners.

 

“Of course I know,” Lily scoffed, shaking her head, “Cut this.”

 

She handed her raven-haired friend an odd-looking object, who regarded it in disgust while Lily turned back to Emily, voice low.

 

“When are you going to talk to Dumbledore?”

 

“Soon, probably.  I need to convince Sirius to actually go.  I’m so nervous, Lils.  I mean—yes?” she said as someone stopped in front of their desk.

 

“You’re Lily Evans, right?” the boy asked, arching an eyebrow.

 

When she nodded, he put a hand into his pocket, withdrew a carefully folded note, and handed it to her.  She stared at it in her open hand as he walked away.

 

“Open it!” Emily finally hissed, nudging her, “I want to read it.”

 

Lily quickly undid the note, trembling as she read through the curvy writing.  The two girls were silent for a moment before Lily suddenly cleared her throat, folded the note, and shoved it in her bag.

 

“I’m going to go to the Owlery today at four, to send a letter to my parents,” she decided, nodding.

 

“You’re sure you want to go so soon?” Emily questioned softly.

 

“Of course I am.  If he’s not there, then it’s not meant to be, and I’m going to stop getting my hopes up.  It’s no use waiting for a silly little note.”

 

“Lily,” Emily scoffed, “You can barely breathe everytime you get one of these.”

 

“But I’ve been waiting on him all summer and now into the year!” she exclaimed a little too loud, instantly hushing when Slughorn looked their way, “I just think that maybe it’s time I start looking elsewhere.”

 

“Oh, come now, who are you interested in?” Victoria interrupted, peeking around them.

 

“No one special,” she mumbled, shaking her head, “It’s no one.  Look, we really have to finish this potion.  C’mon, we can talk about it later.”

 

The girls sighed from either side of her, knowing they wouldn’t accomplish anything if she wasn’t willing to talk.

 

\--

 

“Sirius, _please_ ,” Emily begged, following him out of the castle after lunch and grabbing onto his arm, “You can’t just ignore it forever.”

 

“Em,” he sighed, turning to her, “I’m just worried, okay?  Can’t you give me some time to think?”

 

“Sirius!  This is not a time to think!  There is a _baby_ inside of me!  I can’t do this alone!” she yelled, releasing his arm.

 

“You already talked to Lily, though!  Why do you need someone else to know?” he shouted back, shaking his head, “Why can’t we just wait?”

 

“Because it makes me so nervous!  I hate that I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future!  _Please_ , Sirius.”

 

“No.  Not yet,” he said with finality, storming away.

 

“If you won’t,” she warned, and he slowed only slightly, “I will.”

 

When he didn’t stop, Emily turned her back to him and swore as she went up the steps and disappeared into the castle.

 

\--

 

Four o’clock came in a hurry, and Lily was sure to be right on time.

 

“Where are you off to looking all dolled up, Miss Evans?” Sirius crooned from a corner of the common room, easily winning against Remus in chess.

 

“Owlery.  Parents,” she said with a shrug, holding up her letter.

 

“Can I come with?” James asked from the ground, smiling over at her, “I have to send a letter off to my mum, promise.  It’s not just a come-on.”

 

She shrugged again, nodding, “If you want, you can.”

 

She really didn’t want company, but maybe James would get the hint and stop hitting on her if _Max_ showed up.

 

“Let me just grab my cloak, and I’ll be right there!” he exclaimed, hopping to his feet and jogging up the winding steps toward the boy’s dormitory.

 

“Are you two going to Hogsmeade next weekend?” Lily asked casually, going over to the boys.

 

“We are, indeed.  Moony’s got a _daaaaaate_ ,” Sirius sang, putting on his happiest face.

 

“Oh, shut up,” he grumbled, waving his hand, “It’s with Tori.”

 

“Oh, Remus!” Lily exclaimed, “That’s so good.  I’m sure you’re thrilled.”

 

“Quite.  Are you going, Lils?”

 

“Alone, but yes.  I’m hoping maybe my secret admirer will show his face.”

 

“Your secret admirer?” Remus arched an eyebrow, looking up at her curiously after making a move.

 

“He’s dashingly handsome,” Sirius muttered, a smirk plastered onto his face, “Nice bloke.  Real good-quality kind of guy.”

 

“I want to hear nothing from you, Black,” Lily teased, pushing him lightly, “Unless you’re going to tell me who it is, stop hinting.”

 

He just widened his smirk, leaned back, and called a checkmate.

 

“You bastard!” Remus shouted as James suddenly appeared at Lily’s elbow.

 

“Ready, my flower?”

 

“Not now, Potter,” she sighed, reverting to his last name to annoy him.

 

“Potter,” he scoffed, sticking his tongue out at her.

 

She just smiled jovially and headed off, he quick to follow.  The walk to the Owlery was far more pleasant than Lily imagined it would be.  They chatted casually as they made their way through the halls, discussing school, teachers, Sirius and Emily's predicament, and even life after school.  As they climbed the steps to the Owlery, however, Lily felt a certain tug at her heart, and she hurried up the last few steps, her smile fading almost instantaneously as she cast her gaze around the circular room and found it empty save for the owls.

 

She sighed, going to call her owl as James appeared at the doorway, leaning against it and watching her.  She held out her arm, waiting patiently.

 

“Lily,” he began finally, not moving from his spot, but instead crossing his arms, “What if I asked you to go to Hogsmeade with me, just as friends, this coming weekend?”

 

He paused, allowing her to turn and roll her eyes.  When she attempted to respond, he went on, “Emily’s going with Sirius, and Victoria's going with Remus.  You and I will either be not going or going alone.  I’ll even plan out what we can do so it doesn’t seem like a date and you can approve of it beforehand.  I just think, well, this past summer was really fun.  You and I actually became friends, and I wanted to continue that, if you’d like.”

 

His argument was foolproof, as far as Lily was concerned.  While he waited for her response, he called for his snow white owl, and she watched it circle down and land skillfully on his shoulder.  He went outside to the landing, leaning against the railing, and, after a few moments of consideration, she followed, sighing.

 

James was leaned against the stone railing, his owl affectionately nudging his head or nibbling on his ear every so often.  He didn’t seem to mind it or even notice, and she went to stand beside him, their forearms touching.

 

“Run a plan by me, and, if it sounds okay, I’ll go with you,” she promised, tying the letter to her owl’s leg.

 

They both turned as a boy their age walked into the Owlery, and Lily’s heart soared as she listened to him call for his owl.

 

“I’d really enjoy that, Lily.  Thank you,” James interrupted her thoughts.

 

He lifted his arm to the sky, allowing his owl to take off, and the beautiful animal flew into the distance as the boy returned with a brown barn owl.  Lily’s shoulders fell, a small frown touching her lips before she turned away and smiled up at James.

 

“Of course.  Shall we?”

 

He nodded, and, together, they retreated back to the warmth of the school.


	5. Secret Admirer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Marauders think again, Max writes to meet, and Lily dresses up.

James immediately went to work.

 

“Upstairs, now,” he commanded, motioning toward his three friends, “Finish your game later.”

 

They watched him hurry up the steps to the boy’s dormitory, exchanged curious glances, and shrugged.  They packed up their chess, and went up after him.

 

“What’s up, mate?  Thinking?” Sirius commented, smirking as James rolled his eyes.

 

“Somewhat.  Lily said she’d go.”

 

“No way!” three voices suddenly chorused, turning to him in shock.

 

“Are you serious?  You weren’t dreaming?” Remus had to make sure.

 

“I thought I was, but it was just, one of those perfect moments, y’know?  The walk to the Owlery was perfect, and we were just having a good, nice conversation the whole way there.  We got up there, and I guess I just posed it really well, the question I mean, and she said yea.  So, now I have to come up with an itinerary of sorts because I promised her I would so that she would see that it really wasn’t just an attempt at a date.  Think that sounds good?”

 

“Dude, absolutely!” Sirius yelled, “We gotta get working, though.  Let’s make a list of all the shops in Hogsmeade and we’ll work our way from there.”

 

For the next half hour, the boys shouted and yelled over which stores were where and what was in them.  In the end, they had a list of twenty-one shops and were busy sifting through each one, weighing the pros and cons.

 

“Definitely Honeydukes.  Buy her something delicious,” Sirius said with a nod, pointing at it.

 

“I agree.  Though, avoid Madam Puddifoot’s at all costs, obviously.  And I think Scrivenshaft’s might be good.  You know how she likes to write,” Remus intoned.

 

“The Three Broomsticks for lunch or dinner or whatever, and then maybe Tomes and Scrolls?” James wondered.

 

“Oh, yea!  Prongs, there was this book she kept looking at when I saw her in Diagon Alley.  Ask her about it.  I’m thinking maybe Wiseacre’s or Zonko’s, too,” Remus said with a happy nod.

 

“Why not both?  They’ve got plenty of time.  So, here’s what we’ll do,” Sirius began, beaming happily.

 

\--

 

The visit came before anyone had really realized where the time had gone.  Lily had happily accepted James’ ideas three days prior, and they were due to meet everyone for the carriages in the common room an hour after breakfast.  Lily awoke early that morning, feeling strangely excited.  She went to breakfast with the girls, and then hurried back to her room to get dressed for the day.

 

She wore a skirt that fell to her knees and was line in shades of yellow and pink.  To match, she wore a strapless blue top that had a large yellow lily on the right and a few pink flowers in the bottom left.  She covered her shoulders with a white sweater than ran down her back and to her mid-thigh.  She pushed up the sleeves before heading into the bathroom where she pulled half of her hair into a small ponytail that rested against the rest of her tumbling curls.  She put on just a small amount of makeup, careful not to look _too_ enthusiastic about going to Hogsmeade with James Potter.

 

However, when she exited the bathroom, Emily and Victoria arched their eyebrows at her, but she just shot them a look and went to get her shoes.  They had a half an hour left when Lily slipped on her small white shoes, just plain save for a small bow on the side.

 

“You look adorable,” Emily complimented from her bed.

 

“Like you’re going on a date,” Victoria added, smirking, “But I agree with Em.  So, girls, where are your boys taking you this fine day?”

 

“He isn’t _my_ boy, but we’re just going about, seeing the sites,” Lily replied shortly.

 

“Uh huh.  A likely story.  Emily?”

 

“Oh, just to a few small places.  We’re going to see Rosemerta for a bit, then we’ll wander around.  I think he’s got some romantic ideas in store, though, as usual.”

 

“He’s probably trying to make up for that fight you two had the other day,” Victoria said, rolling her eyes, “Remus is being boring, as I expected, though he wants to go to Puddifoot’s, ugh.  I’ll have to convince him otherwise.”

 

“Now, now, be good to Remus.  Wouldn’t want to step on his heart.  I’m sure he worked hard on his idea of today,” Lily tsked, smiling nonetheless, “Okay, I’m anxious, so I’m gonna go down in the common room and see if there’s anything good on the news board.  I’ll be back later.”

 

They watched her go, eyebrows raised.

 

“Is she gone?” a voice whispered from beneath Emily's blankets.

 

“Yes, she’s gone.”

 

“Oh, thank heavens,” Sirius grumbled, climbing out from underneath and shaking himself once before getting off the bed.

 

“What exactly are you doing in here?” Victoria asked as he walked over to Lily’s desk, lifting up papers and touching books.

 

“Just… leaving something,” he mumbled, suddenly smiling and leaning down.

 

When he straightened, a small note was tucked into the corner of one of her pictures, one that showed the three girls and the three boys.  Peter had taken the picture for them.  Even back then, in their fifth year, Lily was always forced to stand next to James because Victoria and Remus had always flirted with one another.  It was surprising, to each party, that it had taken them this long to date.

 

“Sirius!” Emily exclaimed, watching him walk away, “Don’t even tell me you know!”

 

She grabbed his arm after running toward him, and he just kissed her on the forehead.

 

“I can’t say a word.  Someone took the key to that secret,” he teased, kissing her on the lips before exiting their room.

 

“Oh, hello, Lily dear.  Pardon me,” they heard him say from outside, and the door was opened again to reveal a very confused-looking Lily.

 

“He _knows_!” Emily shouted, pointing at the door.

 

“Knows what?”

 

“Sirius, Lily, he _knows_ about Max!” she continued, rushing over to Lily’s desk.

 

“Well, yes, I knew that.  He told me he knew.  Why, did he leave a note?”

 

“He came in here while you were in the bathroom, and then hid under my blankets and made me promise not to say that he was there.  And then you left to go downstairs and he—ah ha!  Here it is!  See!  He left you a note from Max!  Well, I mean, I’m assuming, unless you’re having an affair with him, which I don’t think you are.”

 

“Highly unlikely,” Lily laughed, taking the note from Emily’s open hand.

 

She put it into her pocket, smiled, and went over to her bed.

 

“You’re not going to read it?”

 

“I told you I was done with all this nonsense.  I don’t want any more hints.  I just want to meet him.”

 

“Well!” Emily said in exasperation, “What if that’s what this note says?  What if he hasn’t written all this past week because he was waiting for the Hogsmeade trip?”

 

Lily considered it for a moment, and was hurriedly pulling the note back out when she realized she could be right.

 

“What’s going on?” Victoria asked as Lily unfolded the note.

 

Emily went on to explain as she read,

 

_Hello my flower._

_I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve last written you.  Today is the Hogsmeade trip, and I think we’re both in for a very beautiful surprise.  I’ll be in Scrivenshaft’s at three o’clock, so, if you’re interested, please don’t forget about me.  I’ll know you, and I can promise you’ll know me._

_I love you, Lily.  Don’t forget that._

“EMILY!” she shrieked, dropping the note, “READ THAT!”

 

Emily and Victoria ran over, grabbed the note, and were awhing by the end.

 

“He is just the sweetest thing in the world!” Victoria crooned, falling onto Lily’s bed, “And you have no idea who he is?”

 

“It’s a classic case of secret admirer.  I don’t even know who it could possibly be.  I mean, by the heavens, no one is this eloquent here.  At least, no one that I know, and my last note said that we’d spoken on many occasions.”

 

“I bet it’s Severus,” Emily suddenly hissed, “He totally fancies you.”

 

“He does not!” Lily exclaimed, hitting her lightly on the arm, “We’re just friends, Sev and I.  And he wouldn’t go to such lengths.  That’s not like him.  And!  He doesn’t wear glasses!  Remember, remember one of those first ones, he told me he wore glasses?”

 

“What do you know about him?” Victoria inquired from her bed.

 

“Little,” Lily sighed, going to sit at her desk, “He has glasses, loves from afar and silently, and has always adored me, so I’m assuming it’s someone I’ve known for quite some time.  Oh, and his owl is white,” she added absentmindedly.

 

Victoria was, all of a sudden, getting up and heading toward the door.

 

“Where are you going?” Emily and Lily asked at the same time.

 

“Downstairs.  We’ve got five minutes to spare.  All your jumping around has wasted the last few minutes.”

 

The two girls gave each other excited glances before getting up and hurrying after her, Lily’s note left forgotten on her desk…


	6. Love Never

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which this is not a date, Lily gets lost, and a moment happens.

The carriage ride to Hogsmeade was uneventful, just mindless chatter to pass the time.  When they arrived at the village, Remus and Victoria were quick to say their goodbyes and hurry off, leaving James and Sirius to make fun of Remus behind his back as the two pairs headed off down the main road.

 

“Baby,” Emily suddenly cooed, squeezing Sirius’ hand, “Can we go in?”

 

She was motioning toward Honeydukes, and Sirius just laughed before nodding.

 

“We’ll see you guys back at the castle!” he said with a wave and a smile over his shoulder.  To James, he winked.

 

“So, wanna head down to Zonko’s?” James asked after clearing his throat.

 

“Sure,” Lily said with a smile, leading the way.

 

He took one large stride and caught up to her, shoving his hands in his pockets.

 

“You look really nice today, Lily.  You know you didn’t have to dress up.”

 

“Oh, I wasn’t trying to.  I just like to look good,” she promised with another smile, nodding in his direction.

 

There was some odd tension between them that was making her feel awkward.  Their conversation wasn’t as fluid and easy as it was usually, which bothered her.  This wasn’t supposed to be a date.  And so their walk toward Zonko’s went mostly in silence, for which both parties felt strained about.

 

“Oh gosh!” Lily exclaimed fifteen minutes later, and James laughed as she turned and revealed a teacup hanging off of her nose.

 

For some reason, this immediately lightened the mood, and they spent the next half hour writing with Sugar Quills, exploding Stink Pellets, setting off Dungbombs, and playing with Screaming yo-yos.  When they finally left, much to pleasure of the shop owners, both were laughing heartily and covered in soot from their many explosions.

 

“Here,” James offered, dusting Lily off.

 

She was forced to remove her white sweater as it had turned a weird greyish color, but James was quick to slip off black sweatshirt and hand it to her.

 

“Don’t worry,” he mumbled, pulling it apart from his jacket, “I was getting a little hot anyway.”

 

He pulled his jacket back on as she smiled and tugged on his sweatshirt.

 

“Thanks,” she murmured, not looking up at him in shyness.

 

After that, things went much easier.  They crossed the street to Tomes and Scrolls and spent a good hour and a half walking through the nearly endless shelves.

 

“Look at them,” Emily commented as they walked in, nudging Sirius, “They’re in love.”

 

“Love,” he scoffed, lifting his nose out of book, “Lily?  Never.”

 

“You don’t know, Sirius.  Watch the way she reacts to him.  It’s like they’re shadows of each other.”

 

“I think you’re just seeing James following her,” he went on, shrugging.

 

“No, _look_.  If he turns a corner, she’s quick to follow him.  They’re _flirting_ , Sirius.  Watch how they act.”

 

He relented and shot a look James’ way, and was surprised to find Lily actually looking happy.

 

“She was so excited this morning, though I doubt she’ll never admit it,” Emily went on, looping her arm through Sirius’, “They’re so cute together.”

 

“Are we done in here yet?  It’s so boring.  I wanna go to Zonko’s.”

 

“You go across.  I’m just gonna keep looking for a few minutes.”

 

“No, I’ll wait for you,” he sighed, leaning down and kissing her on the cheek.

 

“James!” Lily gasped a few minutes later, pointing excitedly at a book on display.

 

“Is that the book you were talking to Remus about?”

 

She looked back, surprised that he knew.

 

“Yea,” she said with a large smile, stopping in front of two books: _A Guide to Medieval Sorcery_ and _Olde and Forgotten Bewitchments and Charmes_ , “They’re selling them together for the first time, and it’s cheaper than buying both of them separately, but it’s still so much.”

 

She sighed, looking at them longingly.

 

“Maybe you’ll get them for Christmas,” he said with a shrug, eyes twinkling.

 

“Don’t you dare,” she warned, pushing him in the chest.

 

“Wouldn’t dare,” he promised, beaming mischievously.

 

From there, they wandered around the different aisles, picking out books that they’d read or wanted to, and James continually surprised Lily with his knowledge.

 

“I don’t understand why you don’t apply yourself more, then,” she said as they walked out of Tomes, “You’re brilliant, James, probably one of the smartest people in our year.  And yet, you just goof off all the time.”

 

“Lily, in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m in the top of our classes with you and, like, one other person.  And the ones I’m not in with you, I am top.  Well, I mean, besides Defense.  Sirius has always been better at that than I have.  But he’s just crazy.”

 

Lily laughed out loud, smiling up at them.  When she looked back down the road, Madam Puddifoot’s was just coming into sight.  She hated the shop more than anything, but she was craving warm hot chocolate.  It was chilly out, more so than usual in September, and wearing a skirt hadn’t been the greatest of ideas.  She huddled deeper in James’ sweatshirt, thankful for it, and then an idea popped into her head.

 

“Can we go to Honeydukes?  I’m kind of chilly, and would kill for some hot chocolate.”

 

“Yea, of course,” he offered, and Lily retracted the urge to jump when she felt his fingers tickle hers.

 

“Okay,” she said after a moment, blinking, and she knew it had been an accident, just by the way he quickly looked away and nodded.

 

So, when he started off and she was left trailing behind, she couldn’t understand why she wished it hadn’t been an accident.

 

\--

 

They picked up a small conversation halfway to Honeydukes, though, when they arrived within the sweet-filled shop, they were almost immediately distracted by the amount of candy surrounding them.  They wandered around, hungrily looking at different things, until Lily suddenly jumped in excitement, and the strangest thing happened.

 

There were early sales for the Christmas-flavored hot chocolate with peppermint frosted rims and straws.  All in one fluid motion, Lily said his name, grabbed his hand, and pointed.  James reacted perfectly.  He laced their fingers, leaned in closer, and smiled.

 

“I didn’t know you liked peppermint.”

 

“Of course!” she exclaimed, pulling him off, “I love the wintertime.  Everything is so delicious, then.”

 

And they never stopped holding hands.

 

They wandered throughout the store like that, hand-in-hand, and James just smirked everytime Lily yelled at him for gathering more sweets.  He encouraged her to gather things, and, soon, they were headed toward the front.  Lily deftly slid her hand out from James’ big one, and she almost jumped in surprise when she suddenly felt lonely and wanted to step closer to him.

 

He refused to let her pay for the assortment of treats that they got, and she leaned against the counter as he pulled some coins out of his pocket.

 

“So,” James began, and Lily smiled as his big hand enveloped her little one, “Where are we off to next, Miss Evans?”

 

“Scrivenshaft’s, right?”

 

He nodded, beaming down at her, and she hadn’t ever before felt so happy.  It shocked her, to be walking through Hogsmeade holding James Potter’s hand.  In a million years, she never thought it would happen this way, especially since she was exceptionally okay with the idea.  Lily couldn’t even help but notice the butterflies swimming in her stomach and the fireworks popping in her heart.  She _liked_ the idea of being with James like this.

 

When they arrived at the quill shop, Lily was enthralled by the beautiful new designs they had out, and was eager to go gaze at them.  James left her side without calling attention to his disappearance, and it wasn’t until Lily turned to point out something that she realized he was gone.

 

“James?” she called, looking around her.

 

She went off into the store, getting lost in the many boxes and searching everywhere for him, calling out his name softly here and there.  She finally stopped at the end of an aisle, sighing.

 

“Three o’clock,” she mumbled to herself, glancing at her watch, “It’ll take at least twenty minutes to walk back toward the Three Broomsticks, and it’s sure to be crowded,” she went on.

 

She would have continued, except James appeared behind her just then, touching her hand and causing her to turn.

 

“You know, I said I would be waiting at three,” he whispered, drawing her close.

 

She blinked, her breath gone at their closeness.

 

“E-e-excuse me?” she stuttered, though she didn’t back away.

 

“I’ll be in Scrivenshaft’s at three o’clock, so, if you’re interested, please don’t forget me.  I’ll know you, and I can promise you’ll—”

 

“Stop it,” she demanded, shaking her head, “How do you know about that?”

 

“Lily,” he sighed, leaning his forehead against hers.

 

She loved how he smelt, how he had this particular scent that she knew no other boy had.  She felt intoxicated, and she loved it.

 

“James, kiss me.”

 

And he did.


	7. Not Dating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which holding hands happens, this is still not a date, and Remus is unhappy.

_James Potter kissed me._

This one thought continued to run through Lily’s mind as they walked toward the Three Broomsticks an hour later, hungry for dinner.  They were holding hands, tightly, and, when they entered the Three Broomsticks ten minutes later, Rosemerta nearly shrieked in delight.

 

“Oh, James!  What is this?  _The_ Lily Evans?  Oh!”

 

James just smiled and released Lily’s hand, took up Rosemerta’s, and kissed the back of her hand delicately.

 

“Would you possibly have an out-of-the-way table, Rosie dear?”

 

“Of course, love.  Right this way.”

 

She led them wounding around the people into the back of the pub.

 

“I’ll get you two butterbeers and have Mars over in just a minute to take your orders.”

 

James thanked her lightly, and, when she finally spun off, Lily turned to him, shocked.  There were so many questions running through her mind, so many things she wanted to know.  She started small.

 

“So, it was you?  You’re my secret admirer?”

 

“From May til now, yes.”

 

“Whatever made you think to write instead of act?”

 

“You’ve always appreciated writing and letters, and so I figured it might be a way to win your heart.  I thought that, if I backed off physically, maybe you’d give me a chance once you read my words.”

 

“And that time we spent together over the summer,” she trailed off, shaking her head, “That was really you.”

 

“You’d worn me out, Lily,” he sighed, laughing, “April came, and I just couldn’t do it anymore.  I felt beaten down by you, and I think writing was a way to still fight for you but with less hurt on my end.  You never wrote back.”

 

“I tried.  I never could write anything beautiful enough.  I didn’t know you.  Now that I think back, though, everything pointed to you.  James, how do I know this isn’t just some farce and you’ll be same old Potter in a week or so?”

 

“Because you let me prove myself this summer, away from everything else, just you and I, and I discovered what you wanted, what I had to do, and I did it.  I bettered myself to your standards, molded myself into the person you wanted me to be.  And I’m still me, I’m still James Potter, just with a little Lily love in there.”

 

Listening to him talk, she could practically imagine him writing it, signing it with a kiss, and folding it up for her to read later.

 

“My turn,” he said suddenly, draping an arm around her shoulders, “What made you decide to give me a chance?  Why did you come today?”

 

“I… I don’t know, really.  I guess—”

 

“Butterbeers, my dears,” Rosemerta cut her off, much to Lily’s gratitude.

 

She had _no_ idea why she’d finally accepted James’ offer.  She amounted most of the reasoning behind their time spent together this summer, traipsing through beautiful wizarding places that James knew about and teaching him how to play Muggle games like minigolf.  They’d discovered each other, had started a friendship, but a relationship?  She could find any answer to that.

 

When Rosemerta left, Lily smiled over at him, “My turn.  This really wasn’t your attempt at a date?”

 

“Not at all.  And it still isn’t one.  You and I need to go on a proper first date.  That is, I mean,” he paused, looking into his lap, “if you’ll go out with me.  I understand if you say no.”

 

The last part sounded forced, and Lily knew he really wouldn’t understand.  She knew that he couldn’t possibly, especially after everything she’d put him through.

 

“Just… give me some time, okay?  To get used to the idea?”

 

“And to talk to your girls,” he teased, nudging me.

 

“Exactly,” I laughed, and he just smiled and nodded before retracting his arm.

 

“So, for now, we’re just really good friends?  You’ll at least hang out with me?”

 

“Of course.  We can develop a friendship first before we jump into a relationship.  Does that sound okay?”

 

“That sounds awesome.  Can I still kiss you?”

 

“Maybe.  We’ll see.”

 

“Fair enough,” he said, shrugging, “Am I allowed to tell Sirius and Remus all that happened today, assuming you tell Emily and Victoria?”

 

“Maybe _not_ Tori,” she mumbled, sighing, “She’s been acting weird lately.  I don’t know what it is, but she’s been really snappy.”

 

“Yea, I kind of saw that, too,” James added, nodding, “I hope she’s being nice to Remus.  Poor guy worked so hard on fixing up this date.”

 

“He really likes her, doesn’t he?”

 

James shrugged, and they continued on to another topic.  It was a simple dinner, and they were in the inn for a good two hours before James finally swatted Lily’s hand away and paid for them.

 

“Just let me act like your boyfriend sometimes,” he grumbled, smirking the whole time.

 

They walked out of the inn together and would have held hands had it not been for Emily's sudden cry of delight.

 

“We thought you two would _never_ show!” she exclaimed, waving over at them, “Where in the _world_ have you been?  There’s only three carriages left!”

 

Lily just rolled her eyes, glanced up at James, and the two went to join their friends in a carriage.

 

“Hey, I had a question for you that I forgot to ask,” James suddenly mumbled as the carriage started off.

 

Lily nodded, looking up at him.  She smiled, however, when she felt his pinky touch hers delicately.

 

“Would you mind coming to the Quidditch try-outs in two weekends?  I’d like if you were in the stands,” he said shyly, and she almost laughed.

 

“Of course I’ll go, James.”

 

She squeezed his hand quickly before leaning away again and frowning.  Sirius and Emily were opposite them, but they were huddled into their own conversation, acting disgustingly cute.  Remus, however, sat stoically, eyes cast out the window beside her.  Victoria was opposite him, arms crossed, and glaring furiously at the ground.

 

“Remus,” she hissed, elbowing him in the side, “Is everything okay?”

 

“I’ll talk to you back at the castle,” he said without looking away from the window.

 

Her shoulders sunk, and she grabbed his hand, holding onto it tightly.

 

“I’m here for you,” she promised, and she held onto his hand for the rest of the ride, if only for comfort.

 

When they reached the castle, they all got off, and Remus lingered by the carriage until everyone had started to disappear.

 

“Coming, Lils?” James asked, holding out his hand.

 

“Actually, I’m gonna take a walk with Remus.  I’ll meet you guys back inside.”

 

James nodded, though he looked crestfallen at missing an opportunity to spend with her.  When everyone finally dispersed, the two friends headed off toward the lake, circling it slowly.

 

“I take it this has something to do with Tori?” Lily began after a few minutes.

 

“She was awful, absolutely _wretched_ , Lily, and I hate to say that to you because she’s one of your best friends, but she was such a… a… she was such a bitch, Lily.”

 

She was taken aback.  Remus hardly spoke ill of anyone, and especially not so brutally.

 

“Like how?” she pressed, shivering against the chilly air.

 

She smiled as she remember James’ sweatshirt, and she happily snuggled deeper in it, inhaling his scent.

 

“She talked about every single person that we passed, she was so angry at me for wanting to go to Puddifoot’s, but I’m bad at this, I don’t know where else to take her.  She said she liked coffee, so I thought that that would be a good place.  She even was being rude about you and Emily.”

 

“What did she say?” Lily demanded, shocked and hurt.

 

“Well, about Emily specifically, that she wasn’t surprised, and these are her words, that Black knocked her up.  Said she was such a dirty slut and it was so predictable, which isn’t true at all.  Emily is a good person, a really good person, and I know her, I know how long it took her to let Sirius take that part of her.  I mean, Lily, they’ve been dating for three years, and they only just started sleeping together end of last year.  I couldn’t believe Tori would say all that because even she must know it isn’t true.  And then you, Christ.  It was horrible.  I guess she has a crush on James, or used to, and she was always so pissed at you for never giving him a chance, but even I get why you didn’t.  He was so pigheaded sometimes, and so arrogant.  And now, he’s grown up a lot, and you’re giving him a chance, and it makes her mental, and I can’t understand why.  She said she’d gotten over him, but it’s like she’s still pining after him.  And she was just going on and on forever about all this, and it was just the worst date ever.  So, when we finally left Puddifoot’s, I tried to cheer her up with Zonko’s and Honeydukes, and she just shot down everything I said and was so terrible.  I don’t know what I ever saw in her.”

 

“I’m sorry, Remus,” she mumbled, but her head was swimming with everything he’d said.  She’d have to speak with Emily.

 

“I hope you don’t hate me for telling you all that.  I just… I knew I could turn to you.”

 

“No, you can, Remus, you always can.  That’s what friends are for.”

 

“Thanks, Lils.  So,” he started with a sigh, “You looked pretty happy leaving the Three Broomsticks.  I take it things went well with James?”

 

Lily just smiled before telling her tale…

 

\--

 

_November_

Things progressed beautifully.  James and Lily spent most of their free time together, drawing closer and closer.  Victoria slowly distanced herself from Lily and Emily, who were more than fine with this turn of events, Remus started dating a nice Hufflepuff girl that no one had met yet, and Christmas was on everyone’s minds.

 

Lily laughed as Sirius sat down, leaned right up into James’ face, and made crazy noises and wild expressions.  James pushed him away, grinning the whole time, and she and Emily watched as they fought like little kids, throwing food at each other and cackling hysterically.

 

“So, how are things going with him?” Emily asked quietly, nodding toward James.

 

“It’s strange, Em.  I never imagined being _best friends_ with James Potter.”

 

“Kind of exhilarating, isn’t it?  Have you noticed the glares yet?”

 

“Glares?” Lily repeated, arching an eyebrow.

 

“Oh, yea.  You’ve been getting them for a while now.  Everyone wants James, just like everyone wants Sirius.  The two of them, you should what girls drool over them.  I’ve heard the whispers behind my back before, how some of the worse ones hate me because we’re dating.  They’re starting with you now, too.”

 

“Pitiful people,” she grumbled, rolling her eyes.

 

“Yea.  I think it’s funny, though.  Boys!” she exclaimed as a piece of bacon landed on her shoulder, “Enough!  What’s all the hubbub about anyway?”

 

“Emily!” Lily gasped in shock, “Oh, come now!  Don’t tell me you weren’t aware!”

 

“What?  _What_?” she stressed as James doubled over in laughter.

 

“Dude, she is _perfect_ , I’m telling you,” Sirius mumbled, punching James, “Match against Ravenclaw, babe,” he added to Emily, “We owe them a good ass-kicking after their display three weeks ago.”

 

“Oh, when they beat you?”

 

“They didn’t beat us,” Sirius huffed, “They cheated.”

 

“Cheated,” Remus snorted as he sat down, “You guys lost.  Badly.”

 

“Only cos our bloody seeker nearly died.  Jesus, James, if you and Hartley go at it again today, make sure to be careful.”

 

“Now, Padfoot, we can’t be having any dirty play, come now,” James said, refusing to smile.

 

It was only moments before the burst into hysterics again, nearly falling all over each other.  The girls smiled as some of the team members walked over to James and Sirius, instantly calling their attention.  Oh, a match it would be.


	8. Empty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Quidditch happens, Emily cries again, and Sirius is empty inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s quite a sensitive topic in the following chapter, so read at your own risk.

Lily, Emily, and Remus climbed up until they found a seat in the stands, high up and amongst their fellow Gryffindors.  There was a soft murmuring of conversation that ran through the crowd as they settled together.

 

“I’m excited,” Lily admitted, smiling widely.

 

“That’s because you’re falling for him.  Your almost lover is about to play on hell of a game and _you_ get to watch and call him yours,” Emily teased.

 

There was a pause before Lily smirked, “So, uh, I assume this is how you feel about Sirius, hm?”

 

“Oh, hush!”

 

The two laughed out loud, and their conversation continued for a little while until suddenly everyone was on their feet around them and screaming at the top of their lungs.  The trio quickly got to their feet after exchanging glances, and Lily hurriedly climbed onto the bench, going onto her tiptoes so she could look over the heads of her fellow Gryffindors.  From the sea of red and gold, she finally spotted the seven players walking onto the field.

 

“There they are!” she exclaimed, leaning down and hitting Emily’s arm.

 

“Yes, Lily,” she laughed before going back to cheering along with everyone.

 

She looked for James, and found him a few steps ahead of his team, proudly carrying his broom and walking with confidence onto the field.  Ravenclaw exited from another corner changing room, receiving an equal amount of screams.  The two captains approached each other where Hooch stood between them.  They shook hands cordially before turning away to face their teams once more.

 

“Let’s hope you don’t fall again, Potter!” a feminine voice called, and he tensed, hands clenching.

 

“Oi, Hartley!” Sirius retaliated for him, “Let’s hope you don’t swoon over me again!”

 

James bit back his laugh before striding back toward his team.  Vanessa Hartley sunk back into the folds of her teammates, glaring steadily at Sirius.  Lily smiled at the interaction, noticing how calm James remained.

 

“Teams rise into the air, please!” Hooch called as Vernon, their commentator, took his seat.

 

The crowd followed, and the trio impatiently waited for the game to begin.

 

“And they’re off!” Vernon began, “This should be an interesting game, folks, and I know all of you can’t wait to see if Potter and Hartley hash it out again.  Beth gets the ball first, no surprise there, fastest chaser I’ve ever seen.  Passes to Jess who passes back, gotta love those twins!”

 

He continues on this way, adding in little things here and there.  After only fifteen minutes, Gryffindor was up 70 to 30, and the match was crazy.  Lily had never seen dirty playing quite like it before, and, even though they usually kept to the higher air and watched for the Snitch, James and Vanessa were much lower on the field, casting each other dirty looks and angry shoves everytime they got too close.

 

“Time out!” James yelled after the next goal, flying away from her lividly.

 

Hooch allowed it, and the teams dispersed to their appropriate sides.  Lily watched them talk until Emily suddenly gasped, and she immediately looked down, worried as she put a hand to her stomach.

  
“Are you okay?” she wondered quietly, touching Emily’s arm.

 

“Yea, I think I just have a stomach ache.  It was hurting me the past couple days, but I thought it had gotten better,” Emily mumbled, nodding toward her friend.

 

“Did you ever end up telling Dumbledore?”

 

“No.  I felt bad after the fight Sirius and I had, so I just went back to my dorm and never told him that I didn’t.  Oh,” she gasped again, nearly doubling over.

 

“Em, are you sure you’re alright?”

 

“Yea,” she said a little breathlessly, “It’s probably just cramps.  Look, they’re going back to the game.”

 

Lily took the distraction, but was wary of her friend as the game continued.  Throughout the next couple minutes, the Gryffindor team was relentless.  Hartley was under constant attack, though in a completely safe way, a way in which Hooch couldn’t award any Penalties to Ravenclaw.

 

It wasn’t until Remus abruptly jumped to his feet that Lily let out a shriek of delight, following him.

 

“It looks like James has caught sight of the Snitch, ladies and gentlemen!  And there he goes!”

 

Vernon goes in a wild frenzy commentating the chase, and Lily was watching them carefully, nearly pleading for him to catch it until,

 

“Lily!” Emily cried, grabbing onto her friend’s wrist.

 

Lily looked down slowly, not wanting to tear her eyes from the match.

 

“What’s up?” she questioned, finally turning her eyes to Emily only to fall beside her, worry plaguing her features.

 

“Lily, it hurts,” she sobbed, arm wrapped around her stomach.

 

And, without any warning, Emily was screaming in agony.

 

“Remus!” Lily tried to shout over the noise, not looking back, “Remus, help!”

 

Emily’s grip was strong on her, and she was crying in sheer pain.  She couldn’t form any coherent words, though she continually tried to, her mouth opening and closing uselessly.

 

“REMUS!” Lily hollered, but she couldn’t be heard over the insane cheering.

 

Lily looked around in a panic, and it wasn’t until Emily screamed again that she made up her mind.

 

“C’mon, we’re leaving,” she said only to Emily, lifting her friend’s arm over her shoulder.

 

She stood with Emily hanging onto her, her body limp and shaking.  Lily shoved Remus until he nearly fell over, and he finally looked down, prepared to yell at her for almost making him fall until he saw Emily’s ghostly face.  Without another word, he jumped down and was on her other side in seconds.

 

“MOVE!” Lily screamed at the top of her lungs, pushing through the throbbing crowd as best as she could.

 

When they continued to struggle and Emily continued to whimper and shake, Lily took out her wand and hexed everyone in their way.  The explosion dropped the noise level as students looked for the source of the problem.  Distantly, Lily saw McGonagall stand up, spot them, and instantly hurry over.  Other teachers were behind her, and the trio finally made it to the edge of the bench, clearing out into empty steps.

 

“Miss Evans, Mister Lupin!” McGonagall yelled, causing even more students to quiet and look their way, “Whatever is going on?”

 

“We need to—” but Lily’s voice was drowned out.

 

“Lily,” Remus gasped, pointing, and she looked up, shocked to find Sirius hurtling away from his cheering team.

 

“Clear out!” Dumbledore yelled as he approached the stands, and he quickly dismounted, stumbling a little as he jumped off his broom and ran toward them.

 

“What’s wrong?” he demanded, fear plaguing his voice.

 

When no one answered, he was shouting, “What the fuck is going on?”

 

“Sirius, the baby,” Emily whispered, and that was all he needed.

 

“Give her to me.”

 

“Sirius, we’ll take her to—”

 

“Lily!  Give me Emily.  I’ll fly her.  You’ll never get there fast enough.  Give her to me.”

 

“Lily, Remus, he’s right,” Dumbledore said as he finally reached them, “Sirius, please be safe.”

 

He was already scooping Emily into his arms as James reached the stands, hopped off his broom, and raced up the steps.

 

“Take care of her,” James said, looking straight into Remus’ eyes as Sirius hurried back to his broom.

 

“Prongs, let’s go!” he shouted, settling Emily in front of him.

 

“Hey,” James murmured, turning toward Lily, “Be brave.”

 

And James kissed her right on the forehead, for everyone to see, and Lily nearly broke down as he ran off, jumped onto his broom, and soared off with Sirius.

 

“We need to get out of here,” Remus hissed, taking her wrist and pulling her down the stairs.

 

It seemed like everyone was watching them, like every set of eyes was burning into Lily’s back as she hurried away with Remus.  The professors were quick to catch their attention, but Lily could still feel them, peering around their backs and sending her hateful, curious, and shocked looks.  She was glad when they reached the outside of the Pitch and were allowed a clear space to move about.

 

She felt like something had died inside of her, watching Emily struggle to breathe and surface from the pain, watching the light go out in Sirius’ eyes as he comprehended.  She felt empty as they ran toward the castle.


	9. Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Emily accepts, Victoria is rude, and James runs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The same sensitive topic from the previous chapter continues in the beginning of this one, so, again, read at your own risk.

Three things happened in the next hour that Lily would never forget.  The first wasn’t entirely unexpected, the second caught her entirely off-guard, and she started crying at the third.

 

Sitting by her bedside, hands gripped tightly together, Sirius was _crying_ , something that none of those gathered had ever witnessed, privy maybe to James only.  Emily was drenched in a cold sweat, and her face was drained of all color.  She shook nonstop, an effect of the constant pain.  They whispered back and forth, and the group caught small snippets here and there, and though Pomfrey and Sirius tried to beg her not to speak, she refused to remain silent.

 

“Sirius,” she began a little louder than before, “Do you remember what we talked about over the summer?  In July, when we were sitting by that gondola in Venice?”

 

He nodded, leaning up to kiss her forehead, “Don’t worry about that right now, sweetie.  That’s for another—”

 

“I want to marry you, Sirius.  I want to be yours.”

 

He was shocked into silence, and Lily looked over as James’ mouth dropped open.

 

“I know I said we should wait, but I don’t want to.  I want to marry you as soon as I can.  I want to be with you forever and always.”

 

Sirius swallowed audibly before looking down, and there was a small smile present on his mouth.

 

“Okay, baby,” he whispered, “We will.”

 

“Lily!”

 

The redhead turned at the familiar voice, and her eyebrows raised as Victoria waved to her, “Can I speak to you outside a moment, please?”

 

It was the most they’d said to each other in weeks.  Lily detached herself from James and went out into the hall with Victoria, closing the door quietly behind her.

 

“What’s going on in there?” she asked, though her lack of interest shone through.

 

“Emily got hurt at the game,” she lied, blinking back tears, “I should get back to her.  Did you need to talk to me right this very second?”

 

“I’m moving out, Lils.”

 

The familiar nickname sounded like poison on her lips.

 

She went on, unchecked, “I’ve made some new friends, and I found these other seventh year girls that I’ve really taken to, and they have a triple room like we always used to, so I’m gonna move into their room.  Oh, and that first year that we had in there for a little while, she found someone to move in with, some second years.  I talked to McGonagall and Dumbledore all about it already, and they said it was fine.  They’re also bumping these two seventh years from an overcrowded room into yours and Emily’s room.  I gotta head off, though.  I need to start moving my stuff.  Give Em my best.  Bye, Lily!”

 

And she was already walking away.

 

In the three minutes it took her to walk outside, get dismissed by Victoria, recompose herself, and walk back inside, Emily had lost her baby.  When she opened the door, it was absolute chaos.  Pomfrey had cast a silencing charm over the room so no one would hear Emily’s occasional screams, but, when Lily walked in, the door closing on its own, they were horrifyingly loud.

 

James was turned away, his back to both Lily and the couple, but she could see his shoulders shaking violently.  Remus had sat himself in a chair weakly and looked absolutely mortified.  Emily couldn’t control herself.  She tried to move, she thrashed about, screaming and hysterical.  Sirius was on his knees, fingers fisted in his hair, doubled over, and audibly sobbing.

 

“She lost the baby,” Pomfrey confirmed for her before going to tend to Emily.

 

Lily was gone.  She turned right around and sprinted as fast as she could away from the Hospital Wing.  She didn’t know what else to do.  She ran until her lungs hurt and her throat burned, she ran until her knees felt wobbly and her heart was too fast to even be beating, and she kept on running.  She wanted to disappear, to never exist again.  Her best friend, her only support system, was broken beyond repair, and she had no idea how to help her.  And so she kept running until she finally collapsed, involuntarily, surrounded by trees, the sky darkening, and she just curled up and cried her heart out.

 

\--

 

It was five hours before anyone realized Lily was missing.  Remus had to drag James back to the dormitory where he passed out from exhaustion face down on his bed and with his Quidditch uniform still on.  Once he retired one boy, he returned to the Hospital Wing to find Sirius standing by the window, Emily sedated and asleep, slow, quiet tears falling down his face.

 

“Do you want a hug, a shoulder, or just to talk?” Remus asked from behind him, touching his knuckles to Sirius’ elbow lightly.

 

“Just… sit with me a while, maybe?  I’ll talk eventually.  I’m just really… _empty_ , right now,” Sirius admitted, reaching up and running his sleeve along his face, “Remus, actually, could I ask you a huge favor?”

 

“I’ll bring you a spare change of clothes, comfortable ones.  I might as well attempt to change James, too.”

 

“How is he?”

 

“Barely even made it back to the room before he was out.  I’ve never seen him cry before.  Or you, for that matter.  I just can’t piece together why it affected him so much.”

 

“James loves us, mate.  He would die for us, in a heartbeat.  What we feel, he feels almost double.  The poor lad, you should’ve seen him after he found out what Tori said to you.  Nearly fucked her up.”

 

Remus just laughed, shaking his head, glad at least that he was articulate now and even somewhat joking.  He left him there, trekking back to the dormitories.  After successively removing James’ Quidditch outfit and magically slipping on a pair of pants, he went back to the Hospital Wing, a backpack slung over his shoulder.  He waited for Sirius’ uniform before mounting James’ broom, taking Sirius’, and heading off to the Pitch to put their uniforms back in the changing rooms.

 

It was dusk by then, and Remus cast a wary glance at the moon, sighing, before he headed back to the castle on foot, wondering briefly where Lily had run off to.  He checked the library before heading back up to the Hospital Wing, even looked through every aisle, but gave up after ten minutes of searching.  He spent the next hour with Sirius in the Wing, just talking about general things until, in the last fifteen minutes, he finally opened up, no tears, just a wavering voice.

 

Remus listened intently, providing his best words of advice.  He wasn’t sure what to say, though, for he knew he’d be just as lost if he was ever in such a situation.  Though he did know one thing, and that was to berate Sirius everytime he brought up their fight about telling Dumbledore.  That had caused _none_ of this, though Sirius tried to put it on that.

 

Eventually, Pomfrey arrived and dismissed Remus, telling him it was well past visiting hours.  She allowed Sirius to stay, and he carefully climbed in next to Emily, kissing her delicately on the cheek before closing his eyes and lying next to her.  Remus closed the door behind him, stood against the door for a little bit in exhaustion, and, then, picked himself up and went back to the common room.

 

He sat before the fire at length, pondering all that had happened in such a short time.  It was nearing seven when James stumbled down, almost five hours since the match, bleary-eyed and yawning.  He sat next to Remus wordlessly, dozed for a half hour, and then proclaimed how hungry he was.  They went to the Great Hall for a quick, last-minute meal as the hall closed at seven, though their quickness turned to the whereabouts of Lily in no time.

 

“Have you seen her since we found out?” James asked curiously, biting into a chicken leg, “All I remember is turning around after a little while and her not being there.  I mean, I remember Tori calling her out, but then I thought I heard her come back in, at least vaguely.”

 

“No, she did come back in, because I remember looking at her and just being so much more upset by the lack of life in her face when Pomfrey told her.  She ran out of the room.”

 

James blinked, straightening, “And you haven’t seen her since?”

 

“I checked the library on my way back from the dorms, but that was at least two or so hours ago.  She wasn’t outside when I took your uniforms back, either.  Beth!” he called abruptly, motioning the Gryffindor girl over, “Have you seen Lily anywhere?”

 

“I saw her run outside, like, a _long_ time ago.  I was on my way to the lake to meet Jack.  I’m pretty sure I saw her head toward the forest, though.”

 

“James, woah!” Remus exclaimed, jumping up after him, “Thanks, Beth!” he called over his shoulder as he sprinted after his wild friend.

 

He finally caught up with him, grabbed his arm, dug his heels into the ground, and forced him to stop.

 

“If Lily’s in the forest,” he said, sucking in a long breath, “We’ll need to get something to get her warm and other things, like, water and… _things_ ,” he finished, huffing.

 

“But,” James started to protest, eyes darting between Remus and the forest, “Fine.”

 

Remus groaned as James took off back into the castle, and decided it was best just to follow at a fast jog considering he’d never catch up to him now.  When he pushed the door to the dorm open, James was shoving things into a charmed backpack.

 

“Good.  You’re here.  Get the map, finish packing the clothes that are on my bed, I already put a tent in there, just in case, don’t ask, there’s other things, too, I’ll be right back.”

 

And he was off.

 

James paced in front of the girl’s stairs angrily, hating the charm that afflicted them so he couldn’t go up.  Finally, however, a girl walked in.

 

“Oh my God!” he screeched, running toward her, “You need to do me a favor.”

 

The poor fourth year looked so flustered at being touched by James Potter that she just blinked, open-mouthed.

 

“You know Lily Evans?  Can you find her room, _please_ , and get Victoria?”

 

The girl just nodded before stumbling off upstairs.

 

“ _What_ , Potter?” a familiar voice snapped a few minutes later.

 

“I need Lily’s bear, her pillow, and warm clothes.  Just go!” he yelled when she tried to object.

 

Rolling her eyes, Victoria stalked off, and Remus was just descending the stairs when he heard a door close in the girl’s section.

 

“Got everything?”

 

“Yea.  Where in the blazes did you get a tent?”

 

“My mum.  She said we might wanna go camping in the Pitch one night cos we’re like that.”

 

“Bloody crazy.  What’re you doing?”

 

“Stealing things,” Victoria grumbled, tossing them down at him, “You’ll bring them back, right?”

 

“Yea, if I find her.”

 

He pulled the backpack off of Remus, shoved the things inside, hooked it around his shoulders, and headed out.  Remus just shook his head at her confused look before following his crazed friend outside.


	10. Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lily didn't think, friends are made, and Lily finds out.

“ _Lumos Maxima_ ,” James whispered into the night, Remus repeating the spell from behind him.

 

“Where are we starting?” Remus asked him, following close behind.

 

“I figure we get far enough in that people won’t be able to hear us and then just scream for her.”

 

“What if she fell asleep?”

 

“It’s bloody freezing out here.  She better not have,” James grumbled, stomping through.

 

It was nearly half past when they started out, and the night was steadily growing colder and colder as they went along.  They were mostly silent, except for their occasional chattering teeth and trudging feet.  It was only as half past eight arrived that Remus spoke up.

 

“If we do find her or hear her, Prongs, promise you won’t run off and leave me lost in the woods?”

 

“Of course I won’t, Moony,” he laughed humorlessly.

 

As if on cue, nearly twenty minutes later, James gave a shout and waved back at Remus.  He hurried forward, stopping by James’ side.  A small, barely visible silvery doe was wandering aimlessly through the forest, its strength waning as it went on.

 

“Do you think it’s hers?” Remus asked quietly.

 

“Who else’s would it be?” James mumbled, “Hold on.  Keep your wand lit.  _Expecto Patronum.”_

James’ patronus appeared, a beautiful stag, and he sent it after the doe.  They watched, wary, until the stag nearly disappeared.  James leaned closer, watching, and its light suddenly shone on a redhead lying on the ground.  The girl lifted her head, looking straight into the stag’s eyes.

 

“Moony, it’s her!”

 

His patronus disappeared as he spoke, and the two ran forward, James immediately falling to his knees.

 

“Lily,” James gasped, falling down next to her, “Lily, look at me.”

 

“James,” she whimpered, looking up at him.

 

He pulled her into him, looking back at Remus.

 

“Ice cold.  Can you set up the tent?  I’ll start with the charms.  What were you thinking?” he added to Lily, holding her close and kissing the top of her hair.

 

“I wasn’t.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to.”

 

She was crying now, and so James finished setting protective, silencing, and invisibility charms around them.  Once done, he lifted Lily in his arms and went into the tent to find Remus casting a small fire in the middle.  They bundled her up in blankets and sat in front of the fire, huddling together.

 

After an hour, Lily spoke, “I didn’t mean to.  I wasn’t trying to get lost.  I just ran when Madame Pomfrey told me, and I didn’t stop until I collapsed.  And then I stopped crying, and I realized I was lost.  I tried to find my way out for two hours before I gave up.  I just—”

 

James cut her off as he pulled her closer, arm draped around her shoulder.

 

“Let’s just forget about it, okay?  We’ll spend the night here and head back to the castle in the morning.”

 

And there was no more talk to be had.

 

\--

 

When they finally arrived at the castle the next day, dawn was just fading away into morning.  They all trudged upstairs, and slept in for a while.  It being Sunday, they slept for a while, eventually returning for each of their own reasons.

 

Lily awoke to the sounds of cheerful voices, and she begrudgingly sat up, rubbing her eyes and frowning as she recognized them to be two girls.  Upon glancing outside of her curtains, she saw the two seventh years that were undoubtedly moving in with them, and, sighing, she swung her legs out of the bed, yawned, and went into the bathroom.  When she emerged again, the girls stopped in their conversation and smiled happily.

 

“Hey, I’m Erin,” the first said, stepping forward.

 

She was pretty, with long, _long_ brown hair that fell in soft curls down her back, twisted into a braid and shimmering blue-green eyes.  Her friend was plainer, with straight black hair and brown eyes, but she had a nice face.

 

“And I’m Rebecca.  You must be Lily.  Lily Evans, right?” the raven-haired girl asked politely.

 

“Yea, I am,” Lily nodded, “It’s nice to meet you guys.  Uh, the other girl that’s living with us, Emily, is in the Hospital Wing right now, so, uhm, she’ll be back soon enough,” she tried to force a smile, but her heart was aching with the thought of her best friend, deadened.

 

She could see her face as if she were looking right at her, hear her screams as if she were right beside her, and Lily looked down, tears glistening in her eyes.

 

“We saw what happened to her at the game, or, at least, we saw as much as anyone else did.  Is she okay?” Erin questioned, going toward Lily and touching her arm delicately.

 

“Not… really,” Lily admitted, sighing and looking up.

 

The sorrow in Erin’s eyes made her shoulders slump and she shook her head, looking away.

 

“I won’t ask you to understand or to show compassion toward her when she comes back, but, I promise you, she’s not as dead as she seems.”

 

Even saying it hurt.

 

Lily cleared her throat, swallowed the lump, and forced a smile.

 

“I’m sorry.  That was rude of me.”

 

She started to turn away when, suddenly, there was a knock at the door.  Lily blinked as Rebecca went to get it and opened it to show James Potter.  Rebecca immediately blushed, smiling widely.

 

“Hi James,” she gushed, leaning a little on the door.

 

“Rebecca,” he acknowledged, but his eyes never left the wide emerald ones staring back at him, “Lily, if I could speak to you outside…” he trailed off, but Lily shook her head.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“Uhm,” he began, putting a hand to the back of his neck, “Well, it’s… see, uh…”

 

She’d never before seen him so uncomfortable, but all of the girls were startled from their thoughts when a large black dog shoved past James’ legs, trotted across the room, jumped onto Emily’s bed, and curled up.

 

“That,” James finished, nodding toward the dog.

 

Lily’s brow furrowed, looking from the dog to James and back again.

 

“Lily,” he said sternly, staring straight at the dog.

 

Lily looked back at the dog, looked at the perfectly made bed, looked at the smiling and waving picture of Emily and Sirius in Venice, looked back at the dog again, and then stumbled back, heart skipping a beat.

 

“ _No_!” she shrieked, pointing at James shakily, “You, too?”

 

When he nodded, Lily collapsed, hands over her mouth, “For _him_?  Peter?”

 

He nodded twice more, causing the dog to look up and glare at him.

 

“I know,” he grumbled to the dog, “It’s your fucking fault, though.  Lily, outside?”

 

“Give me a minute.”

 

James accepted this, closing the door behind him.  He waited outside patiently, leaning against the wall until the door finally opened and Lily stepped out, arms crossed against her chest.

 

“Animagus,” was all she said, and James sighed.

 

“Fifth year, Sirius, Peter, and I did it to help Remus during his _time_.  He’s escaping, Lily.  Remus—” he was cut off as his back pocket mumbled, and he quickly pulled out a shard of glass, looking into it.

 

“She’s asleep.  Don’t let him out of the common room, _please_.  And, also, where did you get these?” the glass muttered.

 

“Found ‘em somewhere.  He’s in the girls’ room on Emily’s bed.  Head back.  Don’t use it anymore.”

 

“That’s… no,” Lily shook her head, “What _else_?” she finished in a hiss.

 

“Invisibility cloak,” James shrugged, “I’m a stag.  It’s the same as my Patronus.”

 

“What’s Peter?”

 

“A rat.  Yea, I know.  Hilarious.”

 

“So, Sirius, he… _shifted_ to avoid having to feel everything?”

 

“Oh, no, he’ll still feel all of it, he just doesn’t have to show it or deal with it immediately.  Last time he did this was the summer before sixth year, when his family kicked him out.”

 

“He was kicked out?” Lily exclaimed, mouth agape.

 

“Lils, a little quieter, please,” he begged, reaching forward and grabbing her hand.

 

The touch felt like electricity, and she looked up at him slowly, heart fluttering.


	11. Dead Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Emily and Sirius don't speak, Sirius is mostly silent, and Lily tries to help.

Sirius left the girls’ room after a little while, and he was to be found curled up, still in his dog form, on one of the couches in front of the fire.

 

“How long has he been there?” Remus asked as he sat down in the armchair opposite James.

 

“A little while.  Like that, though, almost all day.  I’m kind of worried about him.”

 

“Yea, I would be, too.  Have you seen Emily yet today?”

 

“No.  Padfoot said she might be getting out either tomorrow or the day after, though.  How are we treating all this?”

 

“Super delicately.  I think we should just look after both of them, make sure they’re—Sirius!” Remus broke off, standing up in shock.

 

The only person that _was_ in the common room was slouched over a table, unconscious, and so when Sirius stood up from his dog form, shaking his hair, there was no one to witness it.

 

“It’s fine,” he grumbled, going over to join them.

 

He was wearing plaid pajama pants and a fitted vneck, something that Emily must’ve bought him.  He slouched into the chair, sighing as he rubbed his face.

 

“How’re you feeling?” James asked quietly.

 

“Tired.  Angry.  I wanna get fucked up.  Do you wanna come with me?” he asked openly.

 

James and Remus exchanged glances and Remus shrugged, nodding.

 

“’Course, man.  We’re here for you,” James assured, “What about Em, though?”

 

“She’s supposed to be sedated until tomorrow morning, so I’ll go see her, then.  I’m gonna go get dressed, pay her a visit, and then we can go, yea?”

 

He was already getting up and heading upstairs when they went to answer.

 

“I’m gonna go tell Lily,” James muttered, standing and heading out, “I’ll be right back.”

 

He shifted, hurried up, shifted back, and headed down the hallway out of sight.  Remus remained in the common room, waiting for his friends to return.  Sirius came back wearing jeans and the same shirt along with a sweatshirt and his black leather jacket.  He left the common room without a word, and James slid down the steps a few minutes later, nodding toward the portrait hole.  Remus shrugged and nodded, and so they put their things upstairs, got jackets, and headed out after their friend.

 

It wasn’t long before they were slipping behind the witch and climbing through the tunnel that led to Honeydukes.  It was a night to remember, and a night to forget all at once.

 

James and Remus had never before seen Sirius in such a state of destruction.  He was relentless, just doing everything in his power to wreck himself into oblivion.  And when they were finally retreating back to the castle late that night, he was frighteningly calm and silent.  They entered the common room around two, and James and Remus collapsed on the couches, expecting their friend to follow them.

 

He didn’t.

 

Instead, he went upstairs and was back down after only a few minutes, a bottle of Firewhisky tucked underneath his jacket and a packet of cigarettes stashed in his pocket.

 

“Don’t come after me,” he muttered before he was gone.

 

\--

 

James and Remus slept through breakfast and first period the next day, though they were awake and dressing an hour before their second period.

 

“Doesn’t look like he came back,” James noted, nodding toward his untouched bed.

 

They checked for any other signs of Sirius having visited the room, but none remained.  Class continued without him.  As lunch approached, James was beginning to worry, especially after asking people who might have seen him and, yet, no one had.

 

“Lily, have you seen Sirius anywhere?” he asked as he sat down next to her, lines aging his face dramatically.

 

“I haven’t.  Why?  Didn’t you guys hang out last night?”

 

“Yea, but he left again after we got back, and we haven’t seen him since.”

 

Remus nodded, mouth full.

 

“What exactly did you three do last night?” Lily prodded, noticing their dismal exteriors.

 

“Drank.  A lot,” Remus grumbled, and James just snorted humorlessly.

 

It caught her by surprise.  She’d had her far share of alcohol throughout the past few years, but she’d never gotten drunk.  She thought it was unappealing, and, though she hadn’t, she knew what a hangover looked like.

 

“I’m going to visit Emily.”

 

“Don’t bother,” a voice said from behind Remus, and all three of them looked up in shock.

 

A very pale and dead-eyed Emily sat next to Remus, across from Lily, and muttered, “I just got out an hour ago.  I went back to the room to change.  I’m going to ask you guys not to treat me any differently.  I just want to go to class today and pretend nothing happened, okay?”

 

Lily nodded immediately, though she was speechless.  Lunch continued on in that manner: silent.  Classes for the rest of the day were equally as hollow, and the girls spent the afternoon and night in their room, talking and healing.  James was just finishing an essay due tomorrow when the portrait hole opened, revealing none other than Sirius Black.

 

He didn’t say a word to them as he collapsed onto the couch, and James and Remus exchanged wary glances as he did so.  Sirius had gone over the deep end plenty of times, drinking himself until he could barely sit, let alone stand, and draining himself dry of every possible happy thought until he was utterly miserable, but this, this was something new to both of them.

 

“Boys, we’re going to dinner, wanna join?” Lily asked as she descended the stairs, Emily in tow.

 

Sirius didn’t even look up.  He continued to sit, slouched, staring into the fire, and Emily was the same.  She wouldn’t look at him, pretended he wasn’t even there.

 

“Padfoot, you gonna eat?” James asked as he stopped at the back of the couch.

 

“No,” was all he said, and so they left him there.

 

Emily didn’t speak during dinner, and, when they returned to the common room, Sirius was gone again.  It wasn’t long before he showed his face again, gaunt and aged, around ten o’clock that night.  He slipped by them, all seated around a round table working on homework, slowly climbed the stairs, and was back in ten minutes, looking no different.  They watched him leave, and James sighed when the portrait hole closed again.

 

“Em,” Lily began delicately, looking over at her friend.

 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she snapped, not lifting her head from her parchment.

 

“I was just gonna tell you about our new roommates,” she said, swallowing audibly.

 

“Yea, I heard Tori left.  What’re they like?”

 

“Erin is really, really sweet.  She has the blackest hair I’ve ever seen, and she’s so nice.  You’ll love her.  Rebecca is kind of plain, though also nice.  I mean, I haven’t spent much time with them yet.”

 

“We should hang out with them tonight.  How does that sound?”

 

She knew Emily was trying to push away everything and go back to how it had been, but it still pained Lily everytime she looked at her friend and saw no will to live in her eyes anymore.  She was gone.  And so wasn’t Sirius.

 

\--

 

“I’ll be right back, I think I forgot my book downstairs!” Lily called over her shoulder as she reached the doorway.

 

She exited the happy atmosphere, something that surprised her.  Emily was laughing along with everyone else, and it seemed she was, to the best of her ability, trying to live again.  However, as Lily jogged down the stairs to retrieve her books, something caught her attention, someone slouched in the dark reaches of the room, someone sobbing.

 

Blinking curiously, she slowed her pace at the bottom of the stairs and peered forward, hand steadying her on the railing.

 

“Sirius?” she asked out loud, eyes widening.

 

He didn’t respond, but Lily was already hurrying over to him.

 

“Sirius, what’s wrong?”

 

She reached for him, but he snapped away, standing so quickly, she nearly lost her balance from having to stumble away.

 

“Get the fuck away from me,” he grumbled, pushing her aside and storming away.

 

“Sirius!” she exclaimed, shocked, “Sirius!”

 

She ran after him, right through the portrait hole and down the stairs.

 

“Sirius Black, you stop walking away from me right now!”

  
“What the _fuck_ are you going to do, Lily?  _What_?”

 

He spun to face her, and she careened to a halt, inhaling sharply.

 

“Sirius, what is going on?” she asked softly, reaching for his hand.

 

He didn’t expect the movement, and so he couldn’t retract his hand fast enough, and her grip was tight.

 

“Talk to me.  Please.”

 

“Go back to James.  Leave me alone.”

 

He shoved her into the railing, retrieving his hand, and, though she had to swallow her pride and anger, Lily grit her teeth and followed him.  He continued on through the castle, quickly, and she shivered as the November air bit into her bare arms.  Sirius seemed unaffected, and it wasn’t until the clattering of her teeth had annoyed him beyond comprehension that he finally stopped and turned.

 

“What, Lily?” was all he said, crossing his arms.

 

“I just want to know what’s wrong,” she managed, arms wrapped tightly around herself, “Please talk to me, Sirius.”

 

“I’d rather hex you.”

 

“Sirius,” she warned, already reaching for her wand.

 

“Relax, Lily, I’m not going to,” he paused, as if considering, before he sighed and his eyes dropped to the ground, “She asked me not to speak to her.  She said she didn’t even want to see me.  If she wants me gone, then I’ll disappear.”

 

Lily was shocked into silence.  When she did respond, however, she chose her words carefully.

 

“Sirius,” she began, “You can’t believe that.  You know Emily has a one-track mind.  She sees getting better and ignoring what happened, and that’s all she sees.  She doesn’t see anything else that’s going around her, especially because of how horrible this all has been.  She doesn’t see you, see how much this hurts you.”

 

“She doesn’t want me, Lily.  She doesn’t want anything to do with me.  She said so herself.”

 

He turned away, but not before she saw his glistening cheeks.

 

“She hates me.”

 

“Sirius, don’t be stupid,” she scoffed, going to him, “She loves you.  She’s just hurting, like you are.  She doesn’t know how to handle this other than to be distant.  You know how she is, better than anyone.  What about when she said she wanted to marry you?”

 

“A mistake,” he muttered, but his voice betrayed agony.

 

“If you come inside, I promise I’ll talk to her,” she tried, but Sirius was already shaking his head.

 

“Don’t.  I’m not going inside.  But you are.  Goodbye, Lily.”

 

And he was off running.  She took a step to follow him, but he disappeared, a black dog in a black night.


	12. Serenity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everyone is happy.

The next day was Saturday, and Lily awoke later than usual, feeling refreshed and happy.  A thought came to her as she was brushing her teeth, and, with the widest of smiles, she hurriedly dressed in viciously ripped light jeans and a dark and light blue striped half-sleeve shirt.  After slipping into a pair of Converse and a grey sweatshirt, she jogged down the stairs, skipped across the common room, ruffling Remus’ hair as she went, and hurried up the boy’s stairs before he could question her.  Furrowing her brow, she passed by the doors until one with a large crack cutting diagonally across the door met her eye.  It didn’t touch either end, and so it didn’t cause much damage to the use of the door, but it made it very clear whose room this was.  Carefully and softly, she knocked, though no one answered either the first or the second time.  And so, taking a deep breath, she pushed the door open, fingers curled tightly around the handle.

 

Beyond lay a room that screamed Marauders.  Remus’ bed was neatly made with careful precision.  Each side held the same length of blanket, and his pillow was perfectly in the center.  His trunk was closed, and his nightstand was neatly aligned with a picture of his parents, a book, reading glasses, and a stack of cards.  Lily smiled to herself, moving farther into the room and quietly shutting the door behind her.

 

Sirius’ bed was on the other side of the room, diagonal from Remus’, and, while the blankets were haphazardly thrown around, they looked untouched.  It was obvious he hadn’t been in here in a few days.  However, the remnants of his existence were scattered around the floor, tumbling out of his trunk, and piling up on his nightstand.  Open textbooks, magazines, albums, empty bottles, clothes, and an assortment of candy wrappers lay on the floor while, on his nightstand, an ash tray lay on top of a worn book and a packet of cigarettes was thrown on, nearly falling off.

 

And then there was James.  He was still in bed, fast asleep, and his bed lay on the same side as Remus’ but all the way back, pushed against the large window.  His clothes were stowed in a hamper at the foot of his bed next to his trunk, which was also closed, though he had a rather large stack of books towering next to it.  Another stack sat next to his nightstand, bare save for his glasses, a picture of the three of them, a quill, and a picture of her.  Lily lifted the picture, amazed that he even had one.  She very clearly remembered him taking it, too.

 

_“James Potter, you get that camera out of my face right this instant!”_

_“Lily, I just want one smile, that’s all!” he whined, waving it around._

_“Absolutely not!  I’m not going to smile so you can just use it to get off later!”_

_He blushed a deep crimson before sputtering, “That’s not what I meant!  That wasn’t what I was going to use it for!  C’mon, Lily!”_

_“Then why the bloody hell do you want it?”_

_“You’re so beautiful, Lily.”_

_She was taken aback by this, and a look of wonder crossed her face.  A sudden flash brought her anger back full force, though._

She liked it.  She especially liked that this was what he had of her, nothing angry, nothing overly excited, just Lily, as simple as she was.  Smiling, Lily put the picture back before lifting the edge of James’ blanket.  He was wearing grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt, and so she didn’t feel too self-conscious when she kicked off her shoes and slipped in next to him.

 

“James,” she whispered delicately, kissing his cotton shoulder.

 

He didn’t stir, and so she slipped her hand down to where his lay, lacing her fingers with his, and she lay there next to him, closing her eyes and soaking in his presence.  She hadn’t spent quality time with him in what seemed like forever; she’d been so focused on bettering Emily and Sirius that she’d almost entirely forgotten about herself and about James, about _them_.

 

“Mm, Lily,” he suddenly mumbled, and she opened her eyes to see his face, turned so that his closed eyes faced her.

 

“I can smell you,” he whispered, “Feel you.”

 

“Because I’m right here, silly,” she responded just as softly, leaning forward to kiss him.

 

He was awake instantly.  He made no sudden movements, though, simply kissed back and sighed into her.

 

“Am I dreaming?” he asked as she leaned away.

 

“Open your eyes.”

 

He did as told, looking down at her happily.  She was so entrancing to him.  Every bit of him screamed for her, always had.  The first time he’d ever laid eyes on her, he thought he’d never be the same again, that he would always live for her.  It scared him, to think that such a strong emotion could exist in him, especially at only eleven.  He remembered trying to explain it to Sirius, the only person that ever possibly could have understood him at such a young age.

 

_“Sirius, mate, I’ve found her.”_

_“Found her, man?  What’re you going on about?”_

_James frowned.  He hated this.  He didn’t know how to put Lily into words.  He didn’t know how to describe how beautiful and delicate and amazing she was._

_“It’s Lily.”_

_Sirius just laughed._

_“I gotcha.  What’s she done this time?”_

_“I love her, Sirius.”_

_Even at eleven, he knew._

“What are you thinking about?” she asked, tracing lines on his chest.

 

“You, always you.”

 

“Why did you never show me how romantic you were beforehand?”

 

“Because you never gave me a chance, remember?” he chided, leaning forward to kiss her, “But, now you are giving me a chance, and now you can know.”

 

“You really are the sweetest man I know.”

 

“Oh, I’m not a silly, stupid little boy anymore?”

 

She laughed, hitting him on the chest.

 

“No.  You’re my strong, wonderful man that I love.”

 

“Love,” he repeated, tasting the word, a word he’d never thought he would hear tumble from her mouth.

 

Clearly, it shocked her, as well.  She lay in silence, silence that wrapped itself around her and threatened to swallow her whole.

 

“It’s okay,” James murmured, kissing her forehead softly, “You don’t have to say it again.”

 

“What if I mean it?” she asked quietly, afraid.

 

“Then, you mean it, and you say it when you’re sure of it.  You can love someone, Lily, but you don’t have to tell them.  You can be unsure of your love.  I’ve learned that over the years of you harassing me.”

 

“ _Me_?  Harassing _you_?”

 

“You were so rude,” he went on, “Always screaming in my face and denying me.  If only you’d succumbed to my charm earlier, you would have seen how great I was.”

 

“Remember what I said about you being a man?”

 

“Yea, I know, I’m going back to a boy with my lovely arrogance.  Lily, will you be my girlfriend?”

 

It came very suddenly, as did her answer, “Only if you’ll be my boyfriend.”

 

“That’s kind of how this works,” he laughed before pulling her close and kissing her passionately, “Can I tell you that I love you?”

 

“If you’re sure of it.”

 

“I love you, Lily.  I always have, always, and I always, always will.”

 

“Careful.  I might turn out to be a demon or something.”

 

“You.  A demon?  You’re more like an angel.”

 

“Ha,” she shook her head.

 

“Okay, so you’re my angel, but you get the point.”

 

She looked up at him, and he stuck his tongue out at her.

 

“You’re making it impossible for me to be romantic.  Would you please just accept what I say?”

 

“Thank you, James.”

 

“Mm, that’s better.”

 

He drew her close to him again, and they lay there together, wrapped in each other’s arms and love.

 

“How did you get in here?” he asked after a short while.

 

“The door was open.”

 

“How did you know which one it was?”

 

“The big crack.”

 

James laughed loudly at this, and Lily smiled.  She loved to see him happy.

 

“Sirius was really wasted one night and threw Peter at the door because Peter decided to steal a picture of Emily and, well, you know.  He has the hots for Em, basically.”

 

“No way!”

 

“Yes way.  Never looked you straight in the eyes again, did he?”

 

“Never,” a deep voice laughed from across the room.

 

Lily looked over her shoulder, fear trilling through her, but she relaxed as she saw Sirius.  Sirius who was smiling, genuinely, and who looked sincerely happy.

 

“Do you remember what Emily did when she found out?”

 

“Threw him at the front side of the door.  Almost split the thing in two.”

 

He laughed harder as he walked over to the smaller window next to his bed and cracked it open.

 

“Only for a little, promise,” he said, grabbing his ash tray and going to sit on the sill.

 

“So,” James began, and Sirius sighed.

 

“Fucking stormed up to me, pulled my goddamn _hair_ so I would look at her, and nearly ate my face off.  It was awesome.  Remus threw a book at my head when she stalked off cos I, like, I couldn’t even move, Prongs.  So then I went sprinting up the stairs after her, and, well.  Shit happened.”

 

“No way.”

 

“Yes way.  It was the most beautiful love I’ve ever made.  It was forgiveness and hurt and anger and beauty and acceptance and all that shit wrapped into one.  It was amazing.  She’s amazing.  God, I love her, James.”

 

“He’s talking about Emily, right?” Lily asked softly.

 

“Yea, he is.  Have you eaten breakfast yet?”

 

“I haven’t.  Why, would you like to go?”

 

“I’m going to go in my pajamas, and then you’re going to change into your pajamas, and we’re going to spend the day in bed.  How does that sound?”

 

“Absolutely wonderful,” she sighed.

 

She hugged him, snuggling as close as she could, and breathed him in, the happiest she had ever been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I, honestly, LOVED THIS CHAPTER.
> 
> First off, I want to say that I wrote the entire end of chapter eleven for Unforgivable listening to Farewell Aragog from Half-Blood Prince, and then I listened to When Ginny Kissed Harry throughout the length of this chapter. Both are simply incredible songs. Now, it’s late, and so I’m going to keep this short.


	13. Closer Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lily is falling harder, Sirius invites her to the Potter's for Christmas, and Lily is in James' bedroom.

James slid down the banister and into the common room, nodding at Remus as he went.

 

“Why did Lily just go upstairs and come down all giggly and grinning?” he asked as James sat next to him.

 

“Snuck into bed, woke me up with a kiss.  She’s adorable.  We’re going for breakfast and then spending the entire day in bed,” James practically beamed, and Remus just smiled happily.

 

“I saw Sirius leave Emily’s room, too.”

 

“Well,” James said with, if possible, an even broader grin, “They had some fun.”

 

“No way!”

 

“Yes way?” James teased before shrugging, “I guess they’re better.  Hey, Em!”

 

“Hello James, dear.  Remus, you’re wonderful, as always.”

 

She leaned down to kiss both of them on the cheek before hurrying up the boys’ stairs, and James just cracked up as Lily came down the girls’ stairs.

 

“It’s like a circus act,” James muttered before jumping to his feet and going to Lily’s side.

 

They walked to the Great Hall hand-in-hand and whispering back and forth about all the fun things they were going to do today.  However, as they sat, Lily frowned as her owl suddenly flew in and dropped a letter in front of her.  She gave it a small pat on the head before it flew away, and, curious, she opened the letter as James hungrily started on his eggs.

 

“It’s from my mum,” she said slowly, and James looked up when she threw the letter down, crossing her arms, “They’re going away for Christmas break!  They’ve asked me to stay here!”

 

“What?” he exclaimed, reaching for the letter, “May I?”

 

“Yea, whatever,” she grumbled before reaching for her orange juice.

 

_Lily dear,_

_I hate to say this, but your father booked a surprise cruise for us!  I feel horrible going because it’s your last year at Hogwarts, but you did always say you wanted to stay there one time.  Maybe this could be the time?  I’m so sorry, my sweet girl.  Write me back soon._

_Mum_

“That’s harsh.”

 

“We were supposed to tell McGonagall a _month_ ago if we were staying!  She’ll never let me stay now.”

 

“We’ll figure it out, Lily, don’t worry,” he said, taking her hand and kissing it softly, “Now eat a little, please?  I don’t need you dying on me.”

 

She smiled at his affection before picking up her fork.  The rest of their breakfast went fairly well, and, before long, they were heading back upstairs.  As planned, they kicked off their shoes and crawled into James’ bed.  Lily related the letter to Emily as she turned around and sighed, pouting.

 

“Lily, wanna stay at James’ house with me?” Sirius invited, poking his head over Emily’s shoulder.

 

James opened his mouth, and Sirius sighed heavily, “Okay, fine.  That was rude.  James, why don’t you ask Lily to stay at the house?”

 

James looked down at her, and shrugged, “Would you want to?”

 

“Are you inviting me?”

 

“Lily, if I’d had the slightest inclination that you might want to, I would’ve asked you _years_ ago.”

 

“Silly,” she teased, pushing him onto his back before turning and kissing him.

 

Smiling, she lifted the blankets over their heads and giggled as he pulled her close.

 

“No sex while we’re still in the room!” Sirius called.

 

“The same goes for you, pighead!” James retaliated, and Sirius just cackled before he was cut off by Emily.

 

And so James and Lily spent their Saturday in bed, whispering back and forth, playing games across the room with Sirius and Emily, teasing each other, sharing secrets, sharing kisses, and sharing love.  The last few days of November seemed to pass by effortlessly, and, soon, December was creeping along with touches of snow and bitter wind.

 

“God, it’s frigid out,” Lily muttered, snuggling deeper in her jacket.

 

She, Emily, Erin, Rebecca, and Remus were making their way to the Quidditch Pitch for that afternoon’s game.

 

“So, does anyone have any grand plans for the break?” Rebecca asked cheerfully.

 

“I’m going to Ireland,” Erin said happily, beaming, “I can’t wait.  It’s going to be so much fun.”

 

“We’ll miss you on Christmas,” Remus murmured, and Lily smiled, nudging Emily.

 

She nodded, returning the expression.  They’d been flirting for a little while.

 

“I’ll write,” Erin promised, “What about you girls?”

 

“Spending it with Potter and Black,” Emily sighed begrudgingly, “Oh, Lily, please, I’m kidding.  You know I am. I love spending Christmas with those boys.”

 

“What’s it like?” she asked.

 

“Christmas with the boys?” Emily repeated, continuing only once Lily had nodded, “It’s interesting.  They’re such children at heart, and so they get really excited.  You’ll love Mrs. and Mr. Potter.  They’re adorable.  The house is incredible, too.”

 

“Wouldn’t you want to be home for Christmas?” Rebecca wondered curiously.

 

“I don’t have a home,” Emily admitted, “I come from an orphanage.  Of course, Mrs. Potter was having none of that when she found out, and so I’ve spent the past four Christmases at their house.  This summer will be the first I can get my own place.”

 

“But you were just showing us your pictures from Italy the other day!”

 

“I know,” Emily laughed, “You can thank Sirius for that.  It was a present for our three-year anniversary.”

 

“Wow.  He really is something, huh?” a voice sneered from behind them, “Heard he’s good in bed, too.”

 

Emily stopped and turned, anger distorting her features.

 

“What do you want?” she snapped at Victoria, crossing his arms over her chest.

 

“Heard you lost your baby.  That’s too bad.  Bastard child shouldn’t have been born anyway.”

 

And then she just walked away.

 

“Emily.”

 

“Lily, close your eyes.”

 

Lily gave her a weird look, but her jaw dropped as Victoria suddenly fell flat on her face into a pool of mud she’d been attempting to step around, her legs locked together.  She started screaming just as boils erupted all over her, and Emily just shrugged and kept walking.  She made sure to let water flow from the tip of her wand as she walked by, drenching the now wriggling and shrieking Victoria.

 

“And why was I closing my eyes?” Lily sniggered.

 

“So you could pretend you never saw and then I wouldn’t get in trouble.”

 

“Professor McGonagall!” one of Victoria’s friends was shouting, “Emily did this!”

 

“What did you say to her?” McGonagall asked, stepping away from the girls.

 

Victoria went silent, and McGonagall just shrugged.

 

“I’m sorry, Victoria.  There isn’t much I can do for you.  I’m sure your friends know the reverse charms.”

 

And then she walked away.  Emily could barely contain her laughter as they finally left the earshot of Victoria and her friends.  They continued on to the stands where they found good seats, and, thankfully, this match went by uninterrupted…

 

\--

 

“And your parents definitely said yes?” Lily asked as they were boarding the train.

 

“Stop worrying about it,” James murmured, kissing the top of her hair.

 

“Land ho!” Sirius called from ahead before pushing open a compartment door.

 

They all piled inside, one of the few rooms located in the back that was large enough for their large group.  Sirius and James sat across from each other by the window with Emily and Lily next to them.  Erin and Remus took the seat next to Lily while Rebecca sat next to Emily.  They were all chatting before long.  It was a busy ride home, full of Exploding Snaps, pulling pranks on the girls, and laughing.  When they finally arrived at the platform, they were slow to get off.

 

“You have to come visit, Moony,” James said as Sirius embraced their friend.

 

James hugged him next before leaving him to say his shy goodbye to Erin.

 

“Sara, dear!” Sirius suddenly exclaimed, and Lily turned, smiling as she watched who she assumed was James’ mum hug Sirius.

 

“Your hair is too long,” Sara commented, touching his nose with a finger before placing a kiss on his forehead, “Though you look happy.”

 

“I think it’s kind of sexy,” Sirius laughed, arching an eyebrow.

 

Sara just shook her head, soft brown hair touching her jaw.

 

“How are you?” she asked of Emily, waiting for the girl to smile before pulling her into a tight hug.

 

James’ dad appeared, clapping Sirius on the back.  They exchanged a quick, quiet conversation that Lily couldn’t hear.

 

“Now, is this the Miss Lily Evans I’ve heard so much about?”

 

Lily blushed, smiling, “It’s nice to meet you.  Thank you so much for allowing me to stay in your home over break.”

 

“Nonsense, sweetie.  No one should spend Christmas alone.”

 

She allowed Sara to hug her before they all started off out of everyone’s way.

 

“Lily, dear, are you of age?”

 

“I am.”

 

“We’re still gonna use side-along,” James whispered, taking her hand.

 

Sara and George, James’ dad, took a trunk each and disappeared with a pop.  And, suddenly, Lily was spinning.  When she dared open her eyes again, James was smiling.

 

“I’ll be right back,” he said before apparating.

 

Lily slowly lowered her trunk to the floor, looking around in awe.  She was in James’ bedroom.


	14. Unity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which dinner is amazing, Lily and Emily do yoga, and Lily is nervous about the "routines" of her three friends that she is just discovering.

It was quite a handsome room.  A large bay window was across from the door with a comfortable-looking, pillowed sill.  A dresser sat next to this and a desk on the other side.  The entire connecting wall was covered in bookshelves, and then there was his bed.  It was nearest the door, though it was pushed against the wall.  It was very _large_ , and soft-looking.  The room was designed in subtle colors: his bed was blue, the curtains were white, the wood was dark and royal, and the shag carpet was a rich black.

 

“Do you like it?” James asked from behind her, and she turned, smiling.

 

“It’s very you, though, when I didn’t know you, I never would have expected this.”

 

“Wait until you see Sirius’ room.  It’s crazy.  Speaking of, would you like the grand tour?”

 

Lily nodded, excited.  James’ room was located on the _third_ floor along with Sirius, a guest room, and a beautiful bathroom.  Sirius’ room was the exact opposite to James’ with dark, rich colors.  He had a similar set-up, though in place of books were posters and a turntable.  His bed was black and red while his curtains were also white and his bare floor was a dark wood, the same as his dresser and desk.  His room, though, already looked well-lived-in.

 

“He’s good at that, looking like he never left,” James muttered before leading the way out.

 

“Does he live here?” Lily asked as he showed her the guest room, where she assumed Remus stayed.

 

“He ran away last summer, in June.  He’d been talking about it for ages, threatening them, but then he showed up half-dead.  This is the bathroom.”

 

Not only was it _huge_ , it had both a glass-door shower and a clawed porcelain bathtub.  On the second floor were his parents’ bedroom, another bathroom, a library, and a study.  On the first floor were the kitchen and two different living rooms.

 

“And then there’s the basement, where you can do any school-related things, though it’s mostly for potions.  What d’you think?”

 

“Your house is gigantic,” Lily laughed, still looking around.

 

James shrugged before showing her to the outside where, _of course_ , there was a Quidditch Pitch.

 

“This is crazy, James.”

 

“It comes with a price,” he huffed, “Both my parents are Aurors.”

 

“Oh my gosh, _really_?”

 

He just nodded before bringing her back to the kitchen where Sirius was trying to sneak a taste and Sara would swat at him every once in a while.

 

“Sweetheart, do you have any aversions to meat?” she asked, and it took a moment before Lily she realized that she was talking to her.

 

“I do not, no,” she said with a small, nervous smile.

 

“That includes fish,” he whispered, and she just nudged him.

 

“I love fish,” she said, sticking out her tongue.

 

They retired to the living room while she cooked, dragging a grumbling Sirius with them, and there they engaged in a vicious game of Exploding Snaps before just hanging out and conversing until Sara called them in for dinner.  When Lily walked in, she was in shock.

 

The entire kitchen had been transformed while they were in the living room, and it now looked _beautiful_.  The island in the middle stretched out longer, and there was five dishes of amazing-looking food stretched out across it.

 

“Wow,” she breathed, and Sara smiled.

 

“Here’s to your last year at Hogwarts,” she said from where she sat at the end of the island with George across from her.

 

They all climbed onto their seats, and Lily stared around hungrily.  There was a gorgeous garden salad in front of her; next to it were freshly made rolls, and next to that was a bowl of mashed potatoes with melted cheese on top.  Beyond her reach were two large bowls of sautéed mushrooms, asparagus, cabbage, corn, green and red peppers, and onions along with grilled and seasoned shrimp, and delicious-looking salmon.

 

Dinner lasted two hours, full with laughter and happy stomachs.  Sara brought out desert just as the conversation was waning down: a steaming apple pie and a generous helping of cool vanilla ice cream for everyone.  Lily happily dug in, though, when she finished, she felt as though she could never eat again.  They spent another hour at the table, slowly letting the conversation die before Sara and George retired to their bedroom, bidding the four of them goodnight.

 

They followed suit not long after, and Lily smiled as James led her into his room; she’d never slept the night in a guy’s bed, especially one that she liked.

 

“If you’re uncomfortable, there is always the guest room,” he said as he stepped out of his jeans and slipped into a pair of plaid pants.

 

“No, I think I’ll like it,” she said with a smile, “Though I am going to change in the bathroom, if you don’t mind.”

 

He just nodded, smiling, and she quickly gathered her things before leaving.  Emily met her halfway there, and tugged her inside the large bathroom, smirking.

 

“So?” she giggled, locking the door.

 

“So what?” Lily mumbled, putting her clothes down on the toilet and going to the sink to brush her teeth.

 

“Oh, come now, Lils.  Are you staying in his room?”

 

“Yes, I am.  Do you think…” she trailed off, frowning.

 

“Lily!” she scoffed, “Of course not!  James isn’t going to demand that of you, Lily.  He’ll never ask unless you allow him.”

 

“How do you know?” she asked before starting her brushing.

 

“Because it’s James, and he’s essentially the same person as Sirius, except a little less reckless.  Sirius never even once _spoke_ of sex until I brought it up.”

 

“Really?” Lily said through her toothbrush.

 

“Yea, really.  They’re really good kids, Lily.  You have nothing to worry about.”

 

She just nodded, happy.  When they were finished with their gossiping and giggling, they returned to their respective rooms.  Lily was dressed in little shorts and a long white vneck.  James was leaning against the headboard, fixated on the book in front of him, so much so that he barely noticed her enter.  She smiled, leaving her dirty clothes by the door before going over to his bed and crawling in next to him, sneaking up between his book and his chest.  His beam was brilliant and wide when he turned his eyes to her, instantly kissing her.

 

“You’re adorable,” he crooned before dog-earing his page and leaving it on his nightstand.

 

She laid down, and he was quick to follow, pulling her into his arms.

 

“Thank you, James,” she whispered as he kissed her forehead, “Thank you for not hating me after all these years.”

 

“I could never hate you, Lily.  I love you.”

 

She just smiled, snuggling deeper into him and letting herself drift off into sleep…

 

\--

 

The next morning, Lily awoke with the sun, smiling.  She looked over to the door as there was a small knock, instantly sitting up when she saw Emily.

 

“I totally forgot!” she whispered before detangling herself from James and following her best friend out of the room.

 

Since they’d found each other in their first year of school, they’d woken up at dawn and shared coffee or orange juice before stretching out and practicing yoga for an hour.  It had become a stress-reliever for Lily in her harder school times, and she’d continued it even while at her house, away from Emily, but it also provided the two girls the greatest moments for bonding.

 

“You’ll love the sun room,” Emily said as she finished brewing her mug of coffee.

 

Emily led the way out of the kitchen, down the hallway, and toward the back door.

 

“We have to go outside for, like, point two seconds,” she murmured, slipping into her snow boots.

 

Lily did the same, having left them with Emily’s the night before, and they hurried through the snow to the sun room a little ways away from the Quidditch Pitch.  They weren’t outside for more than two minutes, though they were shivering when they finally closed the door behind them.

 

“Everything is so beautiful in this house,” Lily commented as they left their shoes by the door and sipped on their drinks.

 

The room was bare save for a few couches, two desks, yoga mats on the hardwood floor, and a turntable with a small bookshelf of records.  Emily went to put on some quiet music while Lily started her stretching, and, together, they relaxed their bodies and laughed through their exercises.

 

When they broke halfway through to rest on one of the couches, Emily was smiling.

 

“Sirius is awake,” she answered Lily’s arched eyebrow.

 

She nodded toward a window in the house, where Lily could see a shadowed form near the curtain.  It parted suddenly, and Emily waved.  Sirius’ smiled brightly and waved back before blowing a kiss and leaving the window.

 

“Do you mind if he comes out here?  He won’t join us, but he likes to read in here.”

 

“I feel like there’s a lot of these little things that I’m going to have to get used to,” Lily sighed.

 

“It’s different,” Emily admitted, “The three of us have an entirely different life outside of Hogwarts.  Don’t worry.  You’re already fitting in.  They boys love you.”

 

“James told me he did,” she said softly with a blush.

 

“Because he does,” Emily smiled before standing up again, “C’mon, we only have a half hour left.”

 

Lily followed suit and, before long, Sirius was jogging through the snow.  He shook off his jacket, dropped a bag to the ground, and stepped out of his shoes once he arrived.  He nodded hello to the girls before taking his mug of coffee over to one of the couches.  He pulled a book from the inside of his sweatshirt and relaxed onto the couch, opening the book.

 

They spent the morning like that, and, as their hour was closing, Emily and Lily sat down to stretch.

 

“And now James is awake,” she said, nodding toward the house.

 

Lily looked back to find him just exiting the house.  He met them inside before long, following Sirius’ motions except to bend to give Lily a soft kiss before going to the couch.  He lifted Sirius’ feet and dropped them back onto his lap once he’d sat.  Both boys were wearing sweatpants, loose t-shirts, and sweatshirts.

 

When the girls finished, Sirius closed his book and smiled over at Emily.

 

“Good morning beautiful,” he greeted, to which she smiled, stood up, and went to kiss him.

 

“You gals up for a run?” James asked, patting Sirius’ shins until he moved his legs.

 

“Absolutely,” Lily said with a smile, “Is this part of it?” she asked of Emily.

 

“Lily’s nervous about our _routines_ ,” Emily laughed, “Lils, don’t worry, okay?  Just go with the flow.”

 

Lily rolled her eyes before taking James’ offered hand, and, together, the four of them prepared to leave again.  Sirius had brought them a change of clothes, which Lily was a little embarrassed about considering he’d gone through her things, though she ignored the feeling and instead just changed and readied to go.  Looking around at her three friends, she couldn’t imagine being happier.


	15. Routines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lily notices the true unity of her friends, Erin visits, and news of the rising Dark Lord finally surfaces in the Potter house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note: So, I decidedly switched Erin and Rebecca’s appearance (and age; they’re now seventh years) purely for my own stupid reasons. I’m probably going to be using Erin in the story more than Rebecca, and I really like the person I have playing her in the graphics (I know, I’m so strange), so I’m switching (plus, I have two friends named Rebecca, and they BOTH have brown hair/eyes, and I feel like Erin is more a brunette name. I don’t know; again, I’m weird). I’ll be going back and changing it in any instances that occur after we first meet them. This note is purely so you know and don’t yell at me when and if I choose to describe them again. That’s all!

A week later found Lily in the basement working on some of her Potions homework.  The boys were out grocery shopping, which seemed to be quite the normal thing seeing as James’ parents were hardly home.  He amounted it to their Auror status, and said that they usually were never home.  This allowed Lily to notice how very grown-up both he and Sirius were, though, as they worked very well as owners of a house.

 

While Lily worked in the basement, however, Emily was upstairs writing a quick letter to Erin and Rebecca to ask them if they wanted to visit at some point.  It wasn’t long before she found Lily hunched over her cauldron, and Emily just laughed, plopping down into the seat next to her.

 

“If the girls come over, wanna go thrift-store shopping?” she said, nudging Lily lightly.

 

“Yea, sure, where d’you want to go?”

 

“ _Well_ , I was thinking we could apparate to Diagon Alley, do a quick money conversion, and then shop in London?”

 

“Yea, if you want.  Did you send the letter?’

 

“It just went out.  I asked if they wanted to stay for a couple days, told them to just give me a heads-up before they headed over.”

 

“Very cool.  So, clothes shopping tomorrow?”

 

Emily just nodded, laughing, “Yea, probably.  Hey, wanna make the boys a treat for when they get back?”

 

“Give me ten minutes?  I just have to finish this,” Lily said, smiling over at her friend.

 

“I’ll go get everything ready!” Emily was already skipping out of the room as she called over her shoulder.

 

They were to be found an hour later elbow-deep in cookie dough, chatting and giggling when Emily’s owl suddenly zoomed in through the open kitchen window.  Emily went to clean her hands before reading over the small note, and she immediately started dancing.

 

“They’ll be here in two hours!  Our cookies will be done by then _and_ it won’t even be three o’clock!  We can still go shopping!”

 

Lily just laughed at her, shaking her head.  They continued to work for the next little while, and were just putting the last of the cookies in when the boys came strolling in.

 

“If you drop it, Sirius, so help me God,” they heard James swear, and Lily smiled, turning to watch them hoist a small bag into the kitchen.

 

She watched, amazed, as they started to unload the tiny bag, and it seemed never-ending.

 

“How did you guys do that?” she asked, nodding at the bag.

 

“A charm, Lily dear,” Sirius said, smirking and pecking her on the cheek, “We do it all the time.”

 

By the time they’d finished putting everything away, there was a pop outside and Emily squealed, “I’ll go get it!”

 

“Oh yea, so she invited Erin and Rebecca over.”

 

“Yea, she asked me this morning,” James mumbled, peeking into the oven.

 

“Hey,” Lily chided, swatting him away, “Those are for later.  Erin!” she finished, running over to hug her friend, “It’s good to see you.  How have you been?”

 

“Splendid.  James, your house is _gorgeous_ , oh my gosh.”

 

Emily entered with one of Erin’s bags when a sudden thought dawned on Lily, “Erin!” she exclaimed.

 

“Yes?” Erin returned, laughing at her, “Oh, Ireland,” she waved a hand, “I had to cancel the trip.  My mum went into surgery the second day I was home, and so I’ve been there with her.  I don’t really mind.  There’s always this summer.  Oh, and Rebecca says she’s terribly sorry she couldn’t be here.  Her parents surprised her with an early Christmas trip to America, lucky bitch.”

 

Lily laughed out loud, to which James slipped his arms around her waist.

 

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured against her neck before kissing her exposed skin.

 

She just smiled wider, leaning back into him.

 

“I’m glad you two finally got together,” Erin said, smirking, “You’re perfect.  And, James, you really don’t mind me staying awhile?”

 

“’Course not, love,” Sirius answered for him, “Any friend of Lily’s is a friend of ours.  C’mon, Prongs, let’s help this lovely lady up to her room.”

 

The boys left as Emily dropped down into a seat at the island.

 

“What?” Lily questioned at her look of distress.

 

“She’s not here because her mum had surgery, Lils.”

 

“How do you know?”

 

“She told me that she’d explain when we went shopping.  Said something happened.”

 

“Do you think it’s serious?”

 

“She looked ready to cry.  I’m pretty sure it’s serious.  But, anyway, we better get ready.  We’ll just apparate to Diagon Alley.”

 

“’Kay, I’ll meet you back down here in a couple minutes?”

 

Emily nodded, so the two of them went upstairs to get ready.  Lily changed into a pair of tight jeans, a black tank top, and a somewhat see-through, thin, loose-fitting grey sweater that hung off of one of her shoulders.  She pulled on a pair of Converse, donned her red peacoat, and smiled as she stood to find James leaning in the doorway.

 

“Leaving me?” he murmured, going over to kiss her.

 

“I’ll be back soon, don’t you worry.  Take the cookies out in ten minutes, okay?  You and Sirius can go crazy with them.”

 

“Mm,” he purred, hiding his face in her neck.

 

“What is with you?” she giggled, looping her arms around his waist.

 

“I just love you,” he whispered, holding her tight, “I hope that’s alright.”

 

“Does it bother you that I don’t say it back?” she asked quietly.

 

“Hey,” he mumbled, instantly pulling away, “Don’t worry, okay?  I know it’s kind of crazy to think that I love you, but I’ve always been amazed by you, Lily.  You’re just starting to warm up to me.  I don’t expect you to say it back.  Why, does it make you uncomfortable when I say it?  Because I don’t have to.  I just want you to know how I feel because I feel like you deserve to know.”

 

“No, I like that you say it,” she laughed, “I just wanted to make sure it didn’t bug you that I didn’t.”

 

“It’s okay.  Alright?”

 

She nodded, and so he brought them together.  She loved being in his arms, loved being so close to him.  It was only a short time before she realized that she loved _him_.

 

Lily met Emily downstairs after ten minutes, and the three girls apparated to Diagon Alley where they made a quick conversion before heading out into London.  They wandered around in some of Emily’s favorite shops until about seven, when they finally decided to grab something to eat for dinner.  It was there that Erin finally relented and told them.

 

“So, my second day back, I was on my way to my friend’s house, just walking, to hang out with her, and I was attacked,” she let that sink in before continuing, “I guess this Voldemort guy that everyone’s been talking about has these followers.  They call themselves Death Eaters.  I only know because, as soon as I got far enough away from him, I apparated into London and went to the Ministry.  They told me what little that they knew, and they only told me because I’d been attacked.  They’ve been trying to keep everything else hush hush.  But, it’s happening, guys.  They’re out there.”

  
“Death Eaters?” Lily queried, arching an eyebrow, “Really?  What do they look like?  Or, rather, what did he look like?”

 

“That’s the problem!” she huffed, leaning back into her seat, “They wear these metal —  I think — masks and these huge hooded cloaks, so you can’t tell who they are, but you know what they are, who they’re serving.  It’s ridiculous.  Thank you,” she added to their waiter as he set down their drinks, “It’s unnerving, you know?  So, anyway, as soon as the Ministry found out, they told me I couldn’t leave the country, just in case, and, so,  here I am.”

 

“What did your parents think?” Emily asked.

 

“They agreed with the Minister, as did I.  I wasn’t about to go to Ireland _alone_ , mind you.  And so, I was incredibly grateful to receive your letter, Em, cos it was just so nuts at my house.  I could barely go anywhere.”

 

“Your parents know you’re here, right?” Lily asked worriedly.

 

“Oh, of course they do,” she laughed, “They love the Potter’s.  My parents are good friends with his.  They work together.”

 

They trailed off to other topics after that, and they returned back to the house around eight to the boys passed out on the couch.  They called it an early night when they found them, and, soon, everyone was upstairs and sound asleep.


	16. Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lily confesses something, she has two very extraordinary Christmas gifts to give James, and Sirius "forgets".

_Lost here in this moment and time keeps slipping by._

_And if I could have just one wish,_

_I’d have you by my side._

_I never want to lose you._

_And if I had to, I would choose you._

_So stay, please always stay._

_You’re the one that I hold onto_

_Cos my heart would stop without you._

 

The next morning, Lily and Emily awoke for their regular routine, the boys joining them after long, and, when they were returning to the house, Erin was just descending the stairs.

 

“So, ladies!” Emily exclaimed, clapping her hands together, “The boys are having Quidditch practice today, and I thought we could go into London for Christmas shopping!”

 

“Em,” Lily groaned, “You were supposed to do your shopping last week.”

 

“Well, I forgot.  Erin, you in?”

 

“Yea, in like an hour.  Christ, you two are so awake.”

 

She stumbled off to the kitchen, leaving the two girls to laugh before following her.  It wasn’t long before they were all dressed and bidding the boys goodbye.  Lily left somewhat begrudgingly, and she held onto James for a little bit longer as Emily kissed Sirius.

 

“I miss you,” he whispered, kissing the top of her red curls, “Don’t be out too late?  I want to spend the night with you.”

 

“You read my mind,” she returned, leaning up on her tiptoes to kiss him, “I’ll see you soon?”

 

“Absolutely.  Be safe.”

 

And she left to a foot-tapping Emily before the three girls apparated into London and started their shopping.

 

“What d’you think Sirius and James got you guys?” Erin asked as they entered a small diner for lunch.

 

“I have _no_ idea at all,” Emily grumbled, “Sirius hasn’t even gone out to do his shopping unless he’s already done it or he left it for _way_ last minute.”

 

“James told me he already got you something,” Lily piped up, shrugging, “So maybe he did it before we left Hogwarts?”

 

“But how?  We’re always together on the Hogsmeade’s trips.”

 

“They are the Marauders, after all.”

 

“Yea, true enough.”

 

They stopped to order before Emily launched back into conversation, “I’m so excited to see what James got you.  I’m sure it’s going to be amazing.”

 

“I have absolutely no idea what to get him,” Lily sighed, frowning.

 

“Don’t you worry.  We’ll find something.”

 

They continued with small chatter until Lily suddenly smiled, “So.  Are you getting Remus anything?”

 

“Oh, I don’t know,” Erin blushed, “I want to, but I’m not sure if he’s getting me anything and I don’t want to be—”

 

“He almost surely is,” Emily said with a nod, “He _so_ likes you.”

 

“You guys think?”

 

“Are you kidding me?  Sirius wrote him saying that you were here instead of in Ireland, and he could barely spell right, he was so excited,” Emily continued, beaming, “You two would be so cute together.”

 

“You know who’s cute together,” Erin said, nudging Lily, “Gosh, I thought you guys would never happen, and, now that you finally have, you’re adorable.”

 

“It’s so true,” Emily agreed.

 

Lily just smiled, thinking back to how he’d looked down at her before she’d left, with this smile like she was the only one he saw.

 

“Guys,” she started slowly, and her heart was suddenly beating _so hard_ against her ribs, she felt like they would surely break and her heart would just burst right out of her chest, “I think I love him.”

 

\--

 

_Four days later._

_Christmas Eve._

“Sara,” Sirius groaned, falling into his seat at the table, “This is just… wow.”

 

Lily nodded heartily in agreement, staring around at all the wondrous food she’d cooked up this evening.  They started off with double tomato bruschetta and clam-stuffed mushrooms before moving onto the two main dishes: large mussels mixed with baby scallops and a linguini primavera with sun-dried tomatoes, mushrooms, and asparagus.

 

Lily smiled up at James as he gathered her plate from Sirius, and he smiled back at her, his eyes twinkling.

 

“I have a surprise for you tonight,” she whispered, blushing a little.

 

“Oh?  What is it?”

 

“Well, I can’t tell you!” she scoffed, “It’s a surprise!”

 

“You’re cute,” he murmured before leaning over to kiss her, “Try a mushroom first.”

 

She obliged, and they were _delicious_.

 

“I made them.  I do every year,” he mumbled, and she finished with a large smile.

 

“They’re _so_ good!” she exclaimed, “I mean it.”

 

And so the night carried on with continuous conversation between the six of them (Erin had gone home the day before, though would be returning Christmas afternoon.  When they all finally retired upstairs, however, Lily was dancing around nervously in the bathroom while she got ready.

 

“You can do it.  You’re Lily Evans.  You can do anything,” she said to herself under her breath, staring into the mirror as she flattened James’ t-shirt and touched her curls one last time.

 

“Mm, you look pretty,” James murmured, barely even glancing at her as he dog-eared his book and kissed her as she crawled up to him on the bed.

 

She made sure to kiss him again as soon as they parted, and he took the lead, pulling her closer to him.

 

“What’s gotten into you?” he whispered against her neck as she lowered her legs on either side of him.

 

“I just haven’t kissed you in a while.  Is that okay if I want to?”

 

“Oh, absolutely,” he mumbled, bringing her back to him.

 

And then, his hands were on her sides, and she smiled against him before leaning back.

 

“James,” she whispered, and he immediately took his hands away.

 

“I’m sorry,” he muttered, looking away.

 

“No, James,” she said again, taking his chin and turning him so that he’d face her, and it struck her that he might not want to.

 

“Look, Lily, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

 

“If I wasn’t uncomfortable, would you be okay with it, then?”

 

“Well… yea,” he sighed, frowning.

 

“Then I want you to.”

 

He looked confused, instantly, and Lily almost laughed.

 

“James, I want to be with you for a very long time, and I want to give myself to you.”

 

“Lily, if this is because of Christmas tomorrow—”

 

“It is and it isn’t.  James, I… I love you,” she finally said, biting her bottom lip and looking at him worriedly.

 

He didn’t say anything for a few seconds, but, when he did, he could barely contain his obvious excitement.

 

“I love you so much, Lily,” he returned, pulling her back to him and kissing her passionately, a different kind of kiss, a kiss of love.

 

 

 

The next morning, James awoke first, much to his great pleasure.  He slipped his arm out from underneath Lily, donned his boxers and pants, and hurried over to his dresser as Lily stirred.

 

“Where’d you go?” she mumbled into the pillow, hitting his side of the bed.

 

He laughed softly, taking out the small box and going back over to the bed.

 

“I’m right here,” he promised, leaning down to kiss her, “I have your Christmas present.”

 

Lily smiled, eyes still closed, and held out her hand.

 

“C’mon, you gotta get up.”

 

She sighed before reaching over the side of the bed and tugging his shirt over her head.

 

“Now, before you freak out, I’m not asking you to marry me,” he said before presenting the box.

 

Her eyes were wide as she opened to find two delicate silver rings, both with two strands interwoven around each other like tree branches.

 

“I want to promise myself to you,” he said, taking one of the rings, “If you’ll do the same.”

 

She looked up at him, her eyes glassy, and he smiled hopefully.

 

“Thank you,” she whispered, leaning over to kiss him, “It’s beautiful.  What finger do I put it on?”

 

He lifted hers and slipped it on for her before lifting her hand and kissing it.

 

“I love you, Lily.”

 

“And I love you, James,” she returned, and she felt like she could never be happier.

 

\--

 

When they were all finally gathered in the living room after a wonderful breakfast, it was quite the sight.  James and Sirius were like little children.  Emily, too, had a few things, though Lily noticed she looked rather sullen.

 

“What’s wrong?” she whispered when her friend sat next to her.

 

“He forgot.”

 

“ _What_?” Lily gasped.

 

“Yea.  Said that he thought he’d gotten me something, and then he looked last night, and he forgot to.”

 

“Oh my God, Em.”

 

“I know.  Just let it go.  I’m trying to pretend it didn’t faze me.”

 

Lily nodded, though she was slightly appalled.  That didn’t seem at all like Sirius.  They were almost finished when James finally sighed.

 

“She hates you, mate,” he said a little too loudly, to which Lily was shocked.

 

“Em, do you really think I forgot?  Can you honestly not tell when I’m lying?” Sirius laughed, looking over at his girlfriend, “Really?”

 

“Bastard,” she grumbled, trying to hide her smile, “You were so convincing!  You almost cried!”

 

“I’m a good actor,” he added to James, who nodded.

 

And then there was a silence, and James was smiling so widely, he had to turn away, and Lily just stared at Sirius as he stood up.

 

“Emily,” he began, and Lily almost fell over as he lowered to one knee and produced a small black velvet box, “Will you marry me?”

 

She was speechless.  She just stared at him before, suddenly, she was crying.

 

“Of course,” she gasped, falling down in front of him and burying her face in his chest.

 

He just grinned and wrapped his arms around her, hiding his own face in her mess of blonde curls.

 

“I love you,” he whispered to her, and Lily gave a little shriek of delight to which James laughed.

 

“I love you so much, don’t ever do that again,” Emily mumbled into his shirt.

 

“Anything for you, Mrs. Black.”

 

And Emily just pulled away from him and kissed him happily, and she couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> N’awwwwwwwwwww, cutest chapter ever. Okay, that’s all, hope you liked!


	17. Day Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which James and Lily are unabashedly adorable, there's an attack, and the Marauders are introduced to the Order of the Phoenix.

Lily awoke the next morning smiling.

 

“Good morning, sunshine,” James whispered from next to her, “How did you sleep?”

 

“Wonderfully,” she responded before leaning over to kiss him, “And you?”

 

“I always sleep excellently when you’re here.  I was thinking, after you girls do your yoga this morning, wanna go out for a day date?”

 

“A day date?” she repeated, snuggling into him.

 

“Yea, we’ll go out for breakfast, find something fun to do, go out for lunch, find something _else_ fun to do, go out for dinner, and then come back here and just snuggle until we fall asleep.”

 

“That sounds amazing.”

 

And so it came to pass.

 

Lily hurried upstairs after she and Emily finished in the sun room to change into fitted light jeans and a loose white blouse that ran in jagged ends to almost her mid-thigh.  It was sleeveless and had fake black buttons in two rows down the center.  She slipped a belt on over the middle just for fashion, donned a thick lace black half-sleeve sweater, tossed her red curls over her shoulders, slipped on a pair of Converse, and hurried back downstairs to find James just tugging on his jacket.  Lily followed suit, smiling up at him and sliding her hand into his.

 

“So, what have you got in mind first?” she asked as they exited the house, “Are we apparating?”

 

“Not yet, I don’t think,” he said, his eyes twinkling with mischief, “I’ve got a cute little place I want to take you to first.”

 

Lily just shrugged, stepping closer to him for warmth.

 

“So, I never did see, what’d you get Sirius for Christmas?”

 

“Oh, Sirius and I never exchange gifts,” James scoffed, “He gets to live at my house for free in return for allowing me to be his best friend.”

 

There was a pregnant pause in which Lily rolled her eyes and James unsuccessfully held in a smirk.

 

“Honestly, James,” she grumbled, “I know _you’re_ the one allowing him to be your friend, God.”

 

This made him laugh, and Lily just smiled and waited for him to finish.  When he did, he steered her into an adorable looking place where they were promptly seated and given menus.

 

“We honestly don’t exchange gifts, though,” James said with a shrug as he cast his eyes over the menu, “Remus, he, and I used to up until fifth year when we just decided that it was too hard getting things for each other and we’d rather just enjoy Christmas together rather than worrying over whether or not we’d made a good or stupid gift idea.  It’s just simpler that way.”

 

“That makes sense.  So, how did you come across this place?  It’s _so_ cute!”

 

“Glad you think so,” he smiled, “My mum used to take me here every Saturday for breakfast regardless of whether I’d been an absolute angel or the worst pest in history the week before.  It was our little bonding time.  The owner actually—”

 

“James Potter!”

 

“—knows me,” he finished, sighing, “Hello, Mrs. Prewett.  How are you today?”

 

“Smashing, my dear.  And who is this?”

 

“Lily Evans,” Lily quickly introduced herself, smiling widely, “It’s nice to meet you.”

 

“You, too, love.  What can I get you lovebirds for drinks?”

 

“I’ll have a coffee, if you wouldn’t mind,” James said.

 

“And I’ll have an orange juice,” Lily said.

 

“Orange juice, too, James?  I’ll get your coffee, no worries, but you need some health in those bones.”

 

“Of course,” he laughed, and she was off.

 

“Prewett,” Lily started, “How do I know that name?”

 

“Fabian and Gideon Prewett, twins, they were in seventh year when we were in second,” James explained, “They have an older sister, Molly, by five years.  She’s married to Arthur Weasley.”

 

“And you know all of this because…”

 

“Because my mother is insane, Lily,” he smiled, “She just talks and talks, and she never shuts up.”

 

“Your mother is a saint,” Mrs. Prewett interrupted, setting down their drinks, “Though the woman does have a mouth on her.  Kept me at her table for half an hour once, and I only got to leave because the Minister was in.”

 

“The _Minister_ comes here?” Lily gasped as she walked away again.

 

“Everyone kind of loves Mrs. Prewett.  She’s like the grandmother of everyone.  She’s so cute.  So, have you decided what you’re getting?”

 

“Oh my gosh, I have to do that!” she exclaimed, hurriedly picking up her menu.

 

James laughed heartily before shaking his head and leaning back in his seat.  Lily mumbled to herself for a few minutes before finally nodding and setting down the menu just as Mrs. Prewett reappeared.  She quickly took their orders before bustling off, and the couple spent the waiting time holding hands, smiling, and whispering cute things back and forth.  They ate hungrily when their breakfast arrived, and they were out and about by nine o’clock.

 

“Mkay, your turn,” James murmured, rubbing Lily’s arms from behind as she shivered.

 

She thought for a moment or two before taking his hand and disapparating.  They reappeared surrounded by trees, and Lily just laughed before tugging him forward.  They hurried out of the woods, and James smile as they stumbled upon a park.

 

“This is where I used to go as a little kid.  It’s right down the street from my house, _which_ is where we’re going next.”

 

They spent a good hour or so at the park, taking turns pushing each other on the swings, going down the slides (and James nearly getting stuck a few times), and chasing each other around the grassy area near the park before Lily finally steered him away, laughing at his protests.

 

“I have to show you,” she said, and it was as though he suddenly remembered where they were going, and he quieted, following diligently.

 

“You’re simply adorable,” she murmured, snuggling into him as he draped his arm around her shoulders.

 

“I just love you is all,” he returned with.

 

“And I love you with every beat of my heart.”

 

He hummed happily, kissing the top of her red curls.  When they stopped finally, James smiled appreciatively.  It was a quaint little house, and it practically screamed Lily.  She pulled him toward it, through a white picket fence, up a few steps that were surrounded by a dead garden awaiting the spring, and through a white wooden door.  She pocketed her wand after relocking the door before taking him down the hallway and into the kitchen.  It was small, and he was reminded of his mother and how she used to tell him about the flat that she and his father lived in before they got the house and how much she hated the kitchen because of how little it was.  This was connected to a beautifully furnished living room, and James instantly let go of her hand, going over to the mantle where pictures of Lily through the years stared back at him.

 

“They’re not moving,” he said after observing them.

 

“They’re Muggle photos.  They don’t.  If you want, I can show you the photo albums later.”

 

“Will there be more adorably tiny Lily?”

 

“Always is,” she smiled before leading him back into the hallway where they ascended a flight of curling stairs.

 

When they reached the top, Lily motioned to the end of the hallway, “That’s my parents.  And that’s Petunia’s,” she said, barely waving her hand at another door, “And this is mine.”

 

The walls were a light yellow, and everything was accented in pastel pinks and blues.  It was a cozy room, with pictures of her friends, books everywhere, all sorts of Muggle trinkets that he couldn’t understand, and it was all so neat, so Lily.  They spent some time in her room, she showing off different things before she finally brought him back downstairs and he dragged her into the living room so he could see the photo albums.  They spent another two hours going through them before James’ stomach grumbled.

 

“Lunchtime,” he said, shrugging, and they apparated from within her living room, appearing in an alleyway.

 

He brought her out into the heart of London where he navigated the streets well until they came upon a nice-looking restaurant.  When they finally emerged two hours later, Lily was smiling broadly.

 

“You’ve got a plan,” he said, squeezing her hand.

 

“Do you know what a movie is?”

 

“I do, actually.  Why?”

 

“Wanna go see one?”

 

“Sure!  I know where a theater is!”

 

They wandered through London until they finally found the theater James had been describing for the past fifteen minutes, and they chose a nice romance that got them out at four.  From there, they went through different shops, though Lily finally found a bookstore, and they were in there for at least an hour.  When they finally left out into the streets, it was eight o’clock and James’ stomach was grumbling again.

 

“I think there’s a place nearby that we can go to.”

 

“No, I’ve got a place in mind.  Please?” Lily said softly, tugging on his hand.

 

“Okay, okay, go ahead.”

 

She pulled him into an alleyway where they apparated.

 

“We’ll have to walk a ways, but it’s not too far, I promise.”

 

“Not too far,” a voice suddenly sneered behind them, and James spun, pushing Lily behind him and whipping out his wand.

 

“A wizard, too.  Still in school, boy?”

 

The voice appeared in the form of a hooded figure with a metal mask.

 

“Oh,” it sneered, and a pale hand lifted with a wand.

 

Lily gasped, stepping back, but the man simply waved the wand over his face, revealing Lucius Malfoy.

 

“James Potter.  I’ve heard talk about you and your gaggle of friends.”

 

“What are you?” James spat, not backing down.

 

“A Death Eater, someone out to get rid of filth like _her_.”

 

At this, Lucius raised his wand again, but James grabbed onto Lily’s wrist and they disapparated with a loud crack, crashing into the ground outside of James’ house.

 

“Get inside,” he ordered, pulling her up, “Quickly.”

 

They ran toward the house, though another crack caused Lily to scream and dive for the ground as James spun, wand up.

 

“What happened?” his father demanded, sprinting toward them.

 

“Lucius Malfoy is a Death Eater,” James reported, lowering his wand and helping Lily back up, “He was after Lily.  He said that he was out to get filth like her.  Did he mean because she’s Muggle-born?”

 

“I’m assuming so,” his mother confirmed, “Albus believes that this Voldemort that we’re to fear is after those that are not pureblood, though he finds this curious because his father was a Muggle.”

 

“Probably hated the poor bastard.  Was he in Slytherin?”

 

“Tom Riddle, yes,” Sara said, shaking her head, “Come inside.  We have a lot to fill you in on.  Albus didn’t want you four knowing, but there’s no keeping it from you now.  You’ll want answers.  Owl Remus; tell him it’s urgent that he come.  Your father will watch for him.  Tell him _not_ to Floo.”

 

James just nodded before taking Lily inside, and, when Remus finally arrived, Sara and George sat with them in the kitchen and explained the Order of the Phoenix.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys. I have some really sad news. It pertains to how many chapters are left. And I feel like hiding, :/
> 
> Because there’s only three left. This ends at twenty chapters, which is kind of hard for me to admit, but I really just don’t want deal with the whole after school thing. I’ve done it before, and it’s been done a million times before, and I just… I really only wanted to do this so that I could write again how James and Lily came to be, differently than I had before. So, there’s only three chapters left.
> 
> But! That aside, did you like this one? Let me know in a review!


	18. Trying Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which James is definitely not grumpy, Emily has a secret, and Remus totally snuggles with someone.

Lily was just returning to the house with Emily when the boys stumbled downstairs, Sirius and James having skipped out on their morning routine to sleep in.

 

“Good morning, dears,” Emily greeted as Lily rushed to hug Remus.

 

She hadn’t been given a spare second to say hello or talk much to him last night.  He laughed, squeezing her tightly before she released him, smiling.

 

“How was your Christmas, Remus?”

 

“Dreadfully boring, as always.  I’d rather be here.  My parents are terribly dull,” he said with a shrug, “Prongs, mate, I’m stealing your coffee.”

 

“I’m _way_ ahead of you, Moony,” Sirius mumbled as he entered the kitchen.

 

“Hello, my lovely flower,” James whispered, turning Lily’s chin up for a kiss, “And how are you this fine morning?”

 

“In love with you, as always,” she returned sweetly, “Are we staying in today?”

 

“Hopefully.  I’d love to just curl up with you and not do anything.”

 

“Well, I do have homework to do, as do you, but I guess I could spare a few seconds to cuddle,” she sighed, stepping in closer to him.

 

He wrapped his arms around her waist, drawing her against him and sighing.

 

“You’re beautiful, did you know that?”

 

“Not even going to play along?” she smirked, “Well, that’s not like you.”

 

“I just can’t help it.  You do crazy things to my snooty charm, my Lily.”

 

He caught her lips in a chaste, delicate kiss, though they were interrupted when Remus cleared his throat, head poking around the doorway.

 

“Lovely watching you two snog and all finally, but the coffee’s gonna get cold, mate, and I know how grumpy you can be.”

 

“Remus,” James chided, letting go of Lily, “When have you ever known me to be grumpy?  Honestly.”

 

Sirius let out a cackle, and the couple entered the kitchen to find him doubled over.

 

“You?” he continued, pointing a shaking finger at James, “Not grumpy?  Merlin, James, I reckon you’ve gone entirely mad.  Moony, do you remember the time we were up until, like, six that one time and then went to class the next day at nine?  I don’t think I’ve ever heard so many cuss words in one breath.”

 

“Yea, and then he tried to hex you and you smacked him off the head with a book, which only turned those grumbles into a raving row between the two of you.”

 

“Brilliant times.  And then there was that time he sat out on one of our trips to Honeydukes because he was sick, and you and I came back way late, and he was _still_ awake, bitching and moaning about how he was on his death bed.”

 

“Okay, I get it,” James sighed, shaking his head and sitting with his coffee, pulling Lily onto his lap afterward, “So, what’s on the schedule for today?”

 

“Relaxing,” Sirius said, “I’m bushed, man.  All that craziness last night.”

 

“Shove off, Padfoot.  You weren’t the one who was attacked.”

 

“Lily!” Remus suddenly exclaimed, and she turned to him, eyebrows arching, “I never even asked you.  Are you okay?  What happened?”

 

“Lucius Malfoy is a Death Eater,” she spat, “And he just came after us.  Luckily, James has quick reflexes.”

 

“I owe everything to Quidditch.  Oh!  Can we at least play a small game?”

 

Sirius and Remus shrugged, agreeing.  After they finally got hungry enough to make breakfast, they all ate and then went into the living room to hang out.  Lily and Emily went to owl Erin while the boys got comfortable, and Lily was in James’ room changing when the return letter came.

 

_I’ll be there in, like, a half hour!  I just have to argue with my parents a little, but I’ll definitely be coming over._

_Erin_

Lily smiled before tugging a loose red sweater over her head.  It hung down on one shoulder, showing her black bra strap, but she didn’t mind so much.  She slipped into a pair of tight black sweats before going to Sirius’ room to find Emily rummaging through the drawers with nothing but a pair of small black shorts on and a pink lace bra.

 

“Having trouble?” Lily laughed, and Emily just sighed.

 

“You’d think that someone so handsome and put together would actually be neat, but _of course_ not.”

 

“Em, he is a boy, after all.”

 

“True enough.  Ah ha!”

 

She quickly tugged on a black tank top followed by a soft yellow one with a dripping black heart on the right side before grabbing her black moccasins and ushering Lily out of the room.

 

“I have to tell you a secret,” she murmured, grabbing Lily’s hand after slipping on her mocs, “But you have to promise to keep it on the down low.  Sirius has already told James, though he made him promise that he wouldn’t tell you.  Okay?”

 

“Yea, of course,” Lily said, nodding, remembering back to the last time Emily had come to her with a secret.  She swallowed, trying to shake away the memory of Emily’s dead eyes.

 

“We’re trying, Lily.”

 

Lily stopped, the confession shocking her into silence.

 

“Trying… for what?” she finally managed, throat dry.

 

“Look, I know it sounds crazy, but I really want to have a family with him, Lily, and he does, too.  He just sparked up a conversation a week ago, told me how excited he’d actually been about the idea of a baby, and, well, he said that, if I wasn’t too upset over… y’know, that he wanted to try.”

 

“Are you _sure_ , Emily?  I mean, what with this impending war and the rest of our seventh year and—”

 

“Lily, look at me.”

 

She stopped, turning to face her friend.

 

“I love him so much,” she said softly, shaking her head, “All I want is to grow old with him and have little children running around everywhere.  I want to see him be a dad and I want to give him the joy of raising his kids how he always wanted to be raised, and, Lily, I just want us to have a normal life, despite all of this war nonsense.  Don’t you understand?”

 

“I do,” Lily sighed, “I just don’t want you to get hurt again.  I’m only looking out for you.”

 

“I know, and I appreciate it.  Like I said, down low.”

 

Lily just nodded before following her back into the living room.

 

“Remus, Erin’s coming over soon,” Emily sang as she sat with Sirius on one of the couches; Lily joined James on the other while Remus relaxed on the only other.

 

“Is she?”

 

He was clearly happy at the prospect, his eyes twinkling and his smile wide.

 

“You are adorable,” Lily smiled, “You two would be so cute together.”

 

“You think?”

 

“Ask her out, Remus.  She totally digs you,” James mumbled, receiving a light punch from Lily.

 

“What?” he whined, pulling her close to him and laying down, taking her with him.

 

“You’re being mean.  She does like you, though, Remus, she told us,” Lily confirmed, causing Remus’ smile to widen, if possible, before he lay back down, staring up at the ceiling giddily.

 

“Dude,” Sirius said, waving lazily at James, “That’s what you looked like when Lily said she’d go to Hogsmeade with you.  ‘Course, _after_ you were finished having an aneurism over what the plan for the day should be.”

 

“An aneurism?” Lily joked, turning in his arms so that she could face him.

 

“Don’t listen to him,” James said in a rush, kissing her, “He’s just rude.  Did she tell you?” he asked in a much lower voice.

 

“Tell me what?” she played, innocent as could be.

 

“Oh, nothing,” he mumbled, quickly lowering his eyes.

 

“Yes, she told me,” Lily sighed, snuggling against him, “I’m happy for them, though I’m also worried.”

 

“As am I.  I don’t want her to get hurt again.  I don’t think either of them could take that.”

 

“They’d end up in a padded room.”

 

“Sirius can get out of straightjackets.”

 

“I don’t even want to know.”

 

“No, you really don’t.”

 

And that was how the day went on.  Erin joined soon enough, immediately going to sit with Remus where they cuddled and giggled with each other, whispering and _finally_ sharing kisses here and there.  Sirius got up the first time and started

doing a dance until Remus lightly hexed him, and he went back to Emily, grumbling.  They eventually pulled together a small, playful Quidditch match that the girls watched from the comfort of the sunroom before they retired to their respective rooms and carried on in private moments of love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost might cry. I can’t believe I only have two chapters left to write, :(
> 
> Besides that, though, I really enjoyed this one. Don’t forget to review!


	19. Returning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lily breaks out of her shell, Sirius and James reminisce their first years trying with Emily and Lily, and Remus thinks everyone is sickening.

_One week later._

 

“So, we’ve got the six of us all here and happy, I say we celebrate,” Emily proposed , “We’re going back to school in a week, might as well get one last stellar night out of this vacation.”

 

“What’d you have in mind?” Sirius asked through a mouthful of sandwich.

 

“Dancing and dinner?”

 

“Will you wear something extremely short and revealing?”

 

Emily sighed, rolling her eyes, “We’ll see.”

 

“Well, I’m up for it.  I like you in a dress,” he said, nodding fervently.

 

“Who said I would wear a dress?”

 

“Oh, c’mon, _please_!  You look so pretty in dresses!”

 

“Merlin, Sirius, you are the horniest boy of your age that I’ve met.”

 

“Peter is totally hornier, like, all the time.  I’m pretty sure he _still_ hasn’t gotten any,” Sirius laughed, causing James and Remus to chuckle as well, “But, no, like, in all seriousness, you’re beautiful.”

 

“Thank you, love.  You guys up for it?”

 

“Yea, ‘course,” the girls agreed.

 

“Would your parents be okay with it?” Lily asked of James.

 

“I’m sure.  I’ll owl them and ask, though.  It’s only noon, so we should get a response in time enough.  What do we wanna do until then?”

 

“Homework,” Remus instantly spoke up, “Because I’m sure the both of you have completely neglected that segment of your life.”

 

“Aw, Moony,” Sirius whined, “ _Why_?  Why must you mention it?”

 

“Because, _Padfoot_ , we’ve all got a ton of work to do.  It shouldn’t be that hard.  I’ll help you, if you want.”

 

“Nah, that’s what I got Emily for.  She’s, like, almost Lily genius status.”

 

“I’m not a genius, Sirius,” Lily chided.

 

“Just top of every one of your classes,” he muttered, making a face at his plate that was directed at her.

 

“Oh, hush you.  I think that’s a fine idea, Remus.  James?”

 

“Why are you roping me into this?” he exclaimed, “I’m not answering.  If I agree with Remus, I’ll get, like, a bucket of water dumped on me in the middle of the night, and you share my bed, and if I agree with Sirius, then I’ll get this horrible glare that only Remus can do, and it’s really quite intimidating and awful and degrading.”

 

“So, you’re doing homework?”

 

“Yes,” he sighed, flinching away from Sirius as he stuck out his tongue.

 

“Don’t worry, I have to, too,” Sirius finally admitted, “We should get cracking, though.  James, write your parents, and we’ll all split up.”

 

They did so, though Sirius was almost instantly distracted as he closed the door and Emily tugged off her shirt to change into a more comfortable one.

 

“Or,” he whispered, lips ghosting her neck as he slipped his arms around her bare torso, “Just ditch the shirt.  Maybe even the pants,” he continued, hands sliding underneath the hem of her sweatpants.

 

“Gonna charm them right off of me?” Emily smirked, turning in his arms.

 

“I could technically, you know.”

 

She just smiled before leaning up to kiss him and pushing him back toward the bed.

 

“We’re doing homework after,” she said as his knees hit the bed.

  
“Can I study you first?”

 

“Worst pick-up line ever,” she laughed, but he just grabbed her around the waist and pulled her onto the bed, crawling on top of her.

 

An hour later, Lily tugged the blankets up over her chilly body, having done much the same that Sirius and Emily had.  She smiled as James kissed her and lay with her, pulling her close.

 

“James,” she started slowly, nibbling on her lip, “Am I… am I, uhm…” she trailed off, nervous.

 

“What’s up?” he asked sweetly, gazing down at her.

 

She sighed, and then hurriedly mumbled, “AmIasgoodasyourothergirlfriends?”

 

“I’m sorry, _what_?” he laughed, holding her tight, “I did not catch a single word of that.”

 

“Am I as good as your other girlfriends?” she barely whispered, and he sighed.

 

“Baby, I can’t understand you.  You have to—”

 

“Am I as good as your other girlfriends?” she said a little too loudly, and then immediately hid her face in his chest.

 

“Lily,” he scoffed, pulling her away by the shoulders, “What’s making you insecure?”

 

“Just answer the question, James,” she muttered without looking at him.

 

“Lily, trust me, I _love_ being with you.  Don’t you ever worry for one second that I don’t.  And I mean more than just sex, I love every second I’m with you.  But yes, I do enjoy making love to you.  Very much, in fact.  Now, can you please tell me what’s wrong?”

 

“I just was worrying,” she mumbled, “You’ve had so many girlfriends, and—”

 

“I’m not like that, Lily.  I only ever slept with one other girl before you.”

 

“I know I shouldn’t ask who, but…”

 

“You’ll have to promise not to hate me,” he prefaced, “But your roommate, Rebecca.”

 

“ _No_!” she gasped, staring up at him, “Really?  When?”

 

“We dated in fifth year for, like, seven months.  I don’t really know why, but I think I was just anxious to get the whole first time thing over with, you know?  I didn’t want to deal with that over my head anymore.  It’s different for guys, Lils.  That’s why she’s kind of weird around me, though.”

 

“She basically falls all over you.”

 

“Yea,” he trailed off, “She used to come to me late at night during our sixth year, begging for me to take her back.  It was kind of annoying.  I broke it off, like, a month after we slept together that first time.”

 

“Huh.”

 

“Don’t be insecure, okay?  I love you, Lily.  I really do.”

 

“Thank you, James.  Can we just stay like this for a little while?  I love when you hold me.”

 

“Of course, sweetie.”

 

And he kept her close, his flower, tucked safely away in his arms…

 

\--

 

_One week later._

Lily finished helping the last stragglers onto the train as she caught sight of James heading her way.

 

“I think that’s everyone,” he murmured before leaning down to kiss her softly, “Did you know that I adore you?”

 

“Yea, I think you mentioned it a few times.  Did you know that I love you with all my heart?”

 

“Ha, who wouldn’t,” he joked, sliding an arm around her shoulders, “Do you remember our first year, when we first met?”

 

“You had already befriended Sirius, and you knew Remus because of your parents.  He stopped in to say hi, and I was with him, and you made a complete idiot of yourself.”

 

“I so did not,” he laughed as they headed down the aisle, “I nearly wooed you right off your feet.”

 

“Lies,” she said with a shake of her head, “You tried to get up to introduce yourself, and you tripped over your own feet and fell flat on your face.  Sirius laughed at you until he was blue in the face, and Remus just turned red and apologized to me.  When you finally managed to get up, you’d snapped your glasses, and you had this dopey, sloppy smile on your face.  I proceeded to roll my eyes at you, fix your glasses, and stalk away.  Remus kept apologizing the whole way back to our compartment before I finally shut him up with a sigh and a glare.”

 

“Shit, was I really that awful?”

 

“Not nearly as bad as the second time you tried, two weeks into the first semester.”

 

“I brought you a flower!”

 

“A lily, actually.”

 

“Oh, c’mon, that was _so_ romantic!”

 

“We were eleven, James.  Nothing was romantic,” she laughed as he slid open the compartment door and let her go in first.

 

They sat next to each other, noting the thumb wrestle going on between Sirius and Emily, both of whom were concentrating far too hard.

 

“I recited you a poem, for Christ’s sake.”

 

“Uh, actually, you _tried_ to recite me a poem.  You kept picking at the lily’s petals everytime you forgot a line, and when you finally stumbled to the end, there were no more petals, but you still tried to offer me the flower.  I was so mortified, Emily had to physically move me.”

 

“The time he gave you the flower and butchered that poem?” Emily asked as Sirius groaned and fell back against his seat.

 

“See!  Even she remembers it!”

 

“I’m totally better at wooing girls, Prongs,” Sirius boasted.

 

“Fattest lie you’ve ever told,” Emily laughed hollowly, “The first time you asked me out, you forgot to wait for me to turn the corner before you started dancing.  And then you ran away when you’d noticed me watching.”

 

“I was thirteen!” he exclaimed, “Give me a break!  You were, like, the hottest girl I’d ever seen.  It was hard to keep my cool around you.”

 

“I don’t know how you ever managed it.”

 

“He threw up after your first date fourth year,” James reminisced, smirking, “Stomped right into the dorm, literally shoved me out of the bathroom in mid-teeth-brush, and just puked for, like, five minutes.”

 

“And then I passed out,” Sirius laughed, nodding, “You were the only girl that could do that to me.”

 

“I don’t anymore, though.”

 

“No, now you just make my heart skip beats and my head spin and my stomach twist into knots.”

 

“Oh, really?”

 

“Everytime I lay eyes on you,” he promised, leaning forward to kiss her.

 

“You two are nauseating,” Remus grumbled.

 

“Oh, what, because you’ve got a girlfriend now, you’re all high and mighty?  Well, let me tell you what I think of that!” he finished in a play shout, getting up and attacking Remus with a furious bout of tickling.

 

James quickly joined in, and Emily went to sit next to her best friend, smiling.

 

“They are ours, after all,” she said, glancing up over at Erin.

 

“Yea, but we love them,” Lily said happily, watching them.

 

There wasn’t anything quite as great as being part of this wonderful group of friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, forewarning, next chapter will be short. It’s only an epilogue type thing, so that’s that. I’m really sad about this ending, if you can’t tell from my obvious this-is-coming-to-a-close writing style. Sigh, :/ Oh well.


	20. Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the Marauders act as boyishly and stupidly as they should, James asks very crazy things, and Sirius screams like a girl.

Lily sighed, closing her trunk.  She’d just finished unpacking the last of her things.  She could already hear Sirius’ voice in the common room, and she smiled, going to find the boys.  They were relaxing on the couch, legs kicked up, and chatting about old times.  They’d been doing this a lot recently, which Lily couldn’t quite understand, but it seemed to make them happy.

 

“Dinnertime!” Remus called as he headed down the boys’ stairs, “C’mon, you two lovebirds, kiss and let’s go.”

 

Sirius immediately turned to James, grabbing his face, and planting a sloppy, wet kiss on his cheek, to which James gave a shout of disgust and shoved Sirius on the ground.  This, of course, led to them wrestling and rolling around.  Lily laughed as Sirius suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a large black dog.  He quickly pinned James down, licking up the side of his face before sitting on top of him and curling up.

 

“Aw, he loves you!” Emily cooed, joining Lily at the top of the stairs, “I still say you should stay that way, Sirius.  You’re far cuter.”

 

He was back in a flash, still sitting on James, who was now groaning under his weight, though Sirius didn’t budge as he glared at Emily.  She finally came over and kissed him.

 

“I’m kidding, love.  Now get off James before you squish him.”

 

He did as told, helping his friend up only to have him jump on his back.  They proceeded out of the common room this way, screwing around until they fell over in the hallway, causing a group of third years to scatter out of the way and stare at them strangely.

 

“Boys,” Lily sighed as they fought, “Can we please go to dinner in peace?”

 

“Tell him to let go!” they both exclaimed at the same time, and Remus, Lily, Emily, and Erin just sighed before heading off, leading to Sirius and James to quickly jump up and run after them, pushing and attempting to trip each other the whole way.

 

They ate dinner accompanied with laughter and jokes.  Lily felt so at home with this group, and she couldn’t help but smile constantly.  She loved to be around them, to be infected with their absolute and raw happiness.  They seemed delighted at every little thing, and the fact that they included her only made her smile even wider.

 

When they finally retired to the common room, the boys were finally worn out, just slumped on the couches and chairs while the girls sat at one of the tables, chatting lightly.

 

“They’re really adorable together,” Erin commented, smiling over at the relaxing boys.

 

“Aren’t they?” Emily laughed, “I’ve never seen a group of such childish men.  They’re so at ease sometimes, it’s amazing.”

 

“I find it hard to believe they’re the same people who have done all that they do.”

 

“Do you know about…” Lily trailed off, staring at Erin and hoping she would understand the code.

 

“Yea, Remus told me while we were still at James’ house.  Don’t worry, I know about Sirius and James, too.  He talked to them, and they said it was okay if I knew.  They did it in their fifth year?”

 

“Yea, isn’t that crazy?” Lily said, shaking her head, “I never would have been able to manage such a thing.  I’m proud of them.”

 

“I think they’re asleep,” Emily suddenly chimed in, nodding over at them, “Look.”

 

They cast their gazes over at the boys and, sure enough, all three were out cold and breathing softly.

 

“We should get them to bed.  Tomorrow is Sunday, we can even stay with them.”

 

“Do you guys do that often?” Erin asked as Emily and Lily stood.

 

“I do nearly every night, though Lily’s only just starting to,” Emily answered, “She got a late start on the Marauder wagon.  I’m sure Remus would love to have you stay over,” she finished with a large smile.

 

Erin just rolled her eyes before following the girls.  They woke the boys gently, coaxed them upstairs, and left them to change while they went to do the same.  They hurried back to snuggle into bed with them, and Lily kissed James softly before getting comfortable, and he just smiled and wrapped his arms tightly around her.

 

“I love when you sleep over,” he whispered, “I’m never happier than when I can fall asleep with you in my arms and wake with you still there.”

 

“I love you, too, James,” she whispered right back, burying her face in his neck and sighing.

 

She had never felt so in love with someone before.

 

\--

 

The next morning, James awoke before Lily, which was unusual, though he took this time to look her over, his smile never fading.  She stirred after only a few minutes, and he just pecked her on the nose while she blinked herself awake.  He turned away to rummage quietly through his nightstand before facing her again, and she greeted him with a soft kiss and a beam.

 

“I love you,” was the first thing she said, which only gave him the courage to move on.

 

“Lily,” he whispered, pushing a few red curls out of her face, “You know that I love you, right, and that I always will?”

 

She nodded, and so he kissed her, a soft, beautiful, adoring kiss, “Then I must ask you two favors.”

 

She nodded again, this time her gaze curious.

 

“Will you love me forever?”

 

“I feel like I can promise that in good faith,” she said with a smile, “And the second?”

 

“Will you marry me?”

 

She looked down as he snapped open a small box silently, and her heart stilled as she stared at the gorgeous but simple ring.  Much like the promise ring he’d given her, two silver strands wrapped around one another like tree branches, though this one had a delicate diamond encrusted in the middle.  It was perfect and beautiful, and Lily was speechless.

 

“James,” she barely managed, looking up at him, “Really?”

 

He just stared at her, his heart beating almost too fast, and his eyes full of fear.

 

“I would love nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you,” she said after another moment before kissing him.

 

“That’s a yes,” she whispered when she still tasted the uncertainty on his lips.

 

“Oh,” he laughed nervously, “Uhm, by the way, I stole your promise ring.  This is actually it, but I know how much you liked it, and so I went to the jewelers and had them work with it.”

 

She looked down at her hand, shocked she hadn’t noticed the missing ring.

 

“When did you take it?”

 

“When you were sleeping one night while we were still at my house.  I replaced it with mine, though I took that back last night after you fell asleep.”

 

“You’re a clever little prince,” she mumbled, snuggling into him after he slipped the ring on her finger.

 

“A prince, huh?”

 

“Didn’t you know?  You’re my prince charming, my knight in shining armor.”

 

“Well, if you _really_ want a knight, I guess I can show up in armor.”

 

“For our wedding?”

 

Her smile nearly reached her ears, it was so wide, and James just laughed softly, kissing her.

 

“Yes.  Our wedding,” he said, so ecstatic.

 

“ _Hey, James_!” Sirius hissed from across the room, and Lily turned to see him staring over Emily’s shoulder, gaze intense; Emily was turned to them, desperately trying to hold in a grin.

 

“Yes, Sirius?” James returned.

 

“Uh… I was just wondering how you slept, yea,” he said before hiding behind Emily, “I don’t think he did it,” he whispered to Emily, though Lily rolled her eyes and sighed, causing Sirius to pop back up.

 

“We can still hear you,” she said, arching an eyebrow at him.

 

“You don’t even know what I’m talking about!” he exclaimed, and then _screamed_ as James nodded.

 

Lily watched, eyes wide and horrified as Sirius danced around in his flannel pajama pants before literally sprinting at them and jumping on top of them, _cackling_.

 

“YOU GUYS ARE GETTING MARRIED, _TOO_!” he screeched before burying his face in the mattress and falling still.

 

“James,” Lily whispered loudly, “Is he going to be your best man?”

 

“If he keeps it up, he won’t even be allowed to attend.”

 

“Uhm, excuse me, mister not-my-best-man-anymore, what did you just say?” Sirius muttered, looking very dark and serious as he lifted his head.

 

“I love you, you doof.  You know that, right?”

 

“Yea, well, I love you, too, man.  You’re my best friend.  AND LILY, OH MY GOD!  YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED TO MY BEST FRIEND!  EMILY!”

 

“Yes, dear, they’re engaged.  Come back to bed before you wake the entire house.”

 

“He’s doing a pretty good job,” Remus grumbled from his bed where Erin was leaning on him and watching on excitedly.

 

“Congrats, you guys,” she said with a large smile, “I can hardly wait.  It’s going to be so wonderful, I already know.”

 

Lily’s beam just got wider and wider until she turned back into James and hid her face.

 

“You’re just about the greatest ever,” she mumbled, hugging him so tight.

 

“Yea, well, _Mrs. Potter_ , I just so happen to love you, and you give me reason to be great.”

 

Lily just smiled up at him before kissing him and sighing.  She wouldn’t trade this for the world, this moment, these amazing friends, their incredible times, this indescribable love she felt for this man, this love of her life.  She had never been so happy in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D
> 
> I think this was the happiest and greatest end to a story I’ve ever come upon. I am really, really happy with how this turned out. And hey! It wasn’t short like I thought it would be! I’m just, I’m okay with it ending here now because I think it’s a really good place to end and, well, thank you so much for reading. It really does mean the world to me.
> 
> I’d like to take a moment to thank two particular reviewers that have reviewed nearly every single chapter with just the sweetest and most wonderful reviews. I truly did look forward to reading your reactions and getting your feedback. Without you guys, I’m not sure I would have continued posting. So, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, AlPadfootPotter96 and hpffisawesome.
> 
> That said, I hope all of you enjoyed this little story. I know I certainly had quite a bit of fun writing it, as I typically do with Marauder-era stories. Though, if you’re terribly distraught over this being the last chapter, have no fear. I’ll usually always be here, writing my heart out. I don’t think I’ll be doing another James/Lily after this one (as it’s my second, and I’m quite certain I’ve finally written what I really wanted to), though there will be plenty of other Marauder-era pairings on the horizon, especially with Sirius, :D
> 
> Until then, thank you, and goodbye.
> 
> \- Mary

**Author's Note:**

> Somewhat of a prologue, so that’s why it’s so short. As such, this note also will be because I don’t want to jinx it and ruin what I’ve got running in my brain.


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